G--- and I have always had issues over intimacy and sexual fulfillment. We have been together for 4 and a half years. I am 32 and he is 26. I discovered early on that greg pre-ejaculates and I decided to help him get treatment. Although we have never sought counselling, I bought several books and did my journal research over the internet. But the whole time during my research and efforts, he never took the initiative to get involved. In other words I was attemping all efforts to help him by myself.

He never initiates sex. He has never approached me sexually or shown desires for me. He never rejects my advances and seems to enjoy the little sex we do have. But it has never been extaordinary, as you can imagine, since we do not last or even continue the act once he ejaculates. Despite premature ejaculation, should it not be normal for him to want more of me since he is young and in his prime?

I must say that there was always something missing in our relationship, there was always a gap between us. He is the most wonderful man. He has a good heart and I know that he cares for me. But often times I have felt alone and distant from him.

There has always been a communication gap between us. He has the most difficult time expressing and sharing his feelings. I can't even remember if he ever had an opinion about something as I have always wondered about his thoughts. Despite the several books I have bought concerning communication, and the promises that he would change, he never read any.

He also has self-esteem issues. I don't think he realizes how attractive he really is to me. A few times, he asked me why I was even with him.

I have have tried to ask him about his fantasies, and he replies that they all involve me. Again, nothing specific, nothing to work with. I revealed my fantancies to him. I let him understand that I am most open to anything but swinging. I even rented a porn film once. We watched, did our thing, and I asked him if he liked that. He replied that he did. But when I mentioned that we could probably rent films together, he replied, 'maybe...it is something we could think about'. But he never mentioned it to me again.

Last week he left the country to go visit his parents and I began to wonder how real and honest he really was to me. So I decided to snoop. I found out that he has been online looking at porn almost everyday for the past 3 years. He has visited every chat site you could think of and spends 2 to 4 hours online. I confronted him about it and at first he denied it, but then told most of the truth.

He told me that he only goes to the chat sites to look at people's profiles, but that he has never had cyber sex, never chatted, or been on webcam. Sould I believe him? I am hurt and confused. Is he addicted? And to what exactly? Is he a sexual anorexic?

He has never had a neglectful childhood. I know that his mother died when he was 4 and was adopted at 5. His adoptive parents have never displayed physical affection to him, let alone tell him that they loved him verbally. Does this have anything to do with anything? Sorry for the the long letter, but I trust that you care and will understand.

P.S. I also found magazines that he bought in order to download programs that improve navigating the web, creating connections to the webcam, and so on...any link to his behaviour? The magazine is called 'Hackers'.