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Problems making love to my wife

Submitted by bob22 on Sun, 02/09/2007 - 21:55. Sex Problems for Men

I am having problems making love to my wife. We have been together for over 10 years, love each other very much, and I am still physically attracted to her. About 8 years ago, a few unfortunate things happened in my life, all which caused a rather serious depression. On top of that, GAD surfaced (Generalised Anxiety Disorder). While I was suffering with this, I was temporarily not interested/able to have sex. But my wife has a rather pushy and determined personality, and continued relentlessly to push for sexual contact, to the point I was totally disgusted with the whole thing. (Being continuously confronted with the fact that one does not 'perform' any more is not a pleasant thing!) This carried on for years.

Now, 8 years later, I have had therapy for the GAD and depression, and have completely sorted out my life. I have been healthy, happy and in a good job for over 4 years now. The only thing that hasn't come back is the ability to make love to my wife. Whenever we become intimate, these feelings of failure and shame come back in my mind. I am 100% certain this is not a general impotency problem, as I am able to 'perform' very well with other women (don't ask !) I am not proud of this and want to continue with my marriage. Like I said we love each other very much. But how to overcome these feelings ?

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poor guy

Submitted by countrygirl on Mon, 29/10/2007 - 19:02.

I agree with the other comment. I think if you two can't talk to each other, which (no offense)your wife seems like she would only make you feel worse, than I think you should seek couples counciling. She seems to need to be in constant control, and I think she would find that it's fun to be controlled by the man in the bedroom sometimes. You seem like a good man who happens to have a wife who can be less than understanding. I hope you find happiness with her and if not you wouldn't be the worst guy in the world to find someone who could love you for you and not put you down. Because she has done this too you in the past, the pressure to satisfy her kills the mood, and your erection. If she could let off her death grip on your insecurities, you two may be able to have a healthy sex life again. The big thing is for her to lay off and let it happen naturally and with no pressure. Good luck, and I really feel for you.

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Complex Problem

Submitted by Mature Man on Mon, 03/09/2007 - 09:56.

You've gotten into a complex situation!

First, the depression would probably have caused you trouble "performing" -- been there myself.

Second, a "pushy" (and apparently demeaning) wife would REALLY cause troubles! Glad you seem to have gotten through that with counseling.

Third, sounds like you have had affairs, which, it would seem to me, could or would affect how you and your wife feel! (I assume she does NOT know about the affairs!?)

You say you love your wife. Is she still "pushy" when you make love? If so, I think you BOTH need counseling, together, and she needs to be more patient -- or face possible loss of her husband.

Good luck!

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