My husband and I have been together for almost 8 years. I know that he looks at internet porn, and have resigned myself to the fact that he's going to do it. I don't really have any issues with the porn itself, just the amount of time he spends looking at it (usually at least an hour, sometimes 3, almost every day). He also has a history of chatting online with other women. I've confronted him about this several times over the past years and nothing has ever changed. Our sex life is nothing great. In fact, I always seem to want it more than he does and he has absolutely no problem telling me "no" or "he's too tired." It's like the old stereotype reversed and now the husband has the headache!

I'm most disturbed by what he's been doing recently. He is chatting online (always under pseudonyms and false identities) with other women and indulging in "incest" fantasies while doing so. He tells stories to these women about how his mother repeatedly forced him to have sex with her at a young age. This makes me absolutely sick. Sick that he would find this erotic or even interesting, and sick that he would invent such a fantasy about his mother (who I know very well and who is a wonderful person) in such a way. He is also sending naked pictures of himself to these women (and he would never allow me to take a naked picture of him for myself!)

I am 99% positive that he would never cheat on me in real life, but it's almost as if he might as well. As I mentioned, it's very difficult to get him to have sex with me (twice a month is a high watermark). I don't mind having a husband who needs to look at porn every now and then, but I don't really want to be with a guy who neglects me so he can masturbate to incest fantasies for 3 hours after I go to bed. I've thought about asking him to leave (we don't have kids) several times--actually did one time but reconciled quickly--but I really do love him and he's a great guy apart from this persistent problem.

I don't expect that anyone here will give me advice that will magically solve my problems, and believe me I've heard it all before and said it all before and nothing ever changes. I just needed to get it out there to make myself feel less alone.