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is the problem him or both of us

Submitted by worriedsick on Tue, 31/07/2007 - 18:32. Sex Problems for Men

I have been married for almost 8 years now, and 3 children. Im 28 and hes 34. We only have sex 3-4 times a year! Im not sure if its because of me or him. Ive tried to talk to him about it and he says the problem is we never have time without our kids being around, which is hard for me to except because they do sleep at night. I love my husband very much, he works hard to take care of us financially, but im just not sexually satisfied. Its also really hurts me that i see him look at other girls in public, watch them on tv and even masturbate in the shower, but it seems he has no interesnt in me. Am i doing something wrong, or is he just "over" me

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Try not to fret...

Submitted by Mature Man on Wed, 01/08/2007 - 20:02.

Gee, I can almost see the tears welling up in your eyes!

All is not lost I don't think! I doubt if he's "over" you!!! I don't know everything that's going on, but you give some clues, so I'll try.

First, children those ages CAN cause hesitation in the bedroom. I know and I remember...

Second, you also say he works hard, so he truly may just be too tired to woo you properly. For us, back then, it was reversed! SHE was too tired from the three kids, while I had a rather easy job, so I'd come home horny and be frustrated! However, in all fairness, I also was very engrossed in my work and often brought that home with me, which slowed me down some, too. In other words, you two can just plain get tired.

Third, sounds like you guys may be out of synch in terms of who wants it when. THAT can be a problem, too. Maybe he thinks of you during the day but cannot have you then, and is not "up" at night!

A suggestion (one I have posted here and elsewhere many times): Schedule a WEEKEND away for just the two of you. Impossible? Why? Have a relative watch the kids or get a GOOD sitter you trust. There must be SOMEONE out there who can help. Work out a place to go "shack up", maybe a hotel in another town, for example, but someplace away from the yard, house, work, kids, etc. You two may just plain need TIME together, alone. It does NOT need to be fancy or expensive.

When we had little ones, we'd find a way to go away like that once or twice a year, for a weekend, and it was wonderful! We'd check in on Friday night and then go browse a nearby shoping mall, buying stuff to have in the room -- snacks, cheese, crackers, maybe wine or beer, soda, whatever -- and then go "hole up". No one knew us, so we felt smug about being "elsewhere". We'd watch TV or talk or, when the mood hit us, make love, at any hour of the day or night! Those weekends can snap you back together again sometimes! We were campers, so we even went camping a couple of times -- just we two -- and THAT was great, too!

It was glorious.

You'd be surprised how all those damned pressures pull young couples apart, literally, and can make you feel like a big rubber band between you is stretching!

Try it. Really. I think you MAY be like MANY couples, chasing yourselves around in circles, frustrated, unhappy, and just plain puzzled over where "it" (that loving couple feeling) went. Maybe it's still there, but needs to be nourished now and then.

By the way, we're celebrating 40+ years this year and still chasing one another around.

I wish you luck!

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