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Sex problems, please help.

Submitted by Palmetto on Sun, 08/07/2007 - 02:59. Sex Problems for Women

My husband and I have been married for a year and together for three. We are both in our early thirties. We have issues with sex. I have a promiscuous past that has no doubt left me with many psychological issues. It has been over 10 years since I recall having an orgasm during sex. Sex for the most part is a painful, uncomfortable experience combined with the guilt of not giving it to my husband enough or feeling dirty because of the way it is going. My OB/GYN has recommended testosterone cream, which did not seem to have any effect after 2 months, other than extreme itching and redness. I don’t know if my problems are physical, hormonal, or mental. I should also add that I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder as well. I was taking Zoloft (100mg) but have weaned myself off with no change in libido. My husband was a virgin before we met and has an insatiable appetite. It seems all of our fights stem from sex…or lack thereof. My question is this: Where do we start? Do I/we need to see a psychologist, psychiatrist, sex therapist, marriage counselor, or what? We both agree that we can’t handle this on our own.

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you're not alone

Submitted by countrygirl on Mon, 29/10/2007 - 17:34.

I am 24 years old and also had much "experiance" in my teen years. It also has forced me to have problems with depression as well as difficulty reaching orgasm. I understand how the whole thing makes you feel dirty and uncomfortable, I have the same issues. I have found that as my boyfriend puts pressure on me to have sex or the more frustrated he gets by my lack of ability to reach orgasm, the less I can relax enough to enjoy sex to the point of orgasm. My boyfriend also has a very high sex drive and is hard so satisfy his need. It has, at times, made me feel less of a women to not even want to have sex and disappoint my boyfriend. when I was younger, I had no problem reaching orgasm, and it is also frustrating to me not to be able to hardly at all anymore. I've learned to enjoy the experiance of making love instead of my goal being to orgasm, but my boyfriend takes it personally that he can't get me to orgasm during sex. I guess my point is you're not alone in your pain and frustration, and that alot of it is due to our mental state. we love the people we are with, but we have alot of emptiness we still feel from our past sexual habits which effect the relationships we are in now. I wish you the best of luck, and let me know, if you would please, what has worked for you if anything.

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One year of marriage

Submitted by mpramage on Sun, 08/07/2007 - 10:25.

How very sensible of you to realise you can get help and be wiling to use it. This is much wiser than struggling on by yourselves.
Not having an orgasm during sex implies to me that you are orgasmic with other methods than intercourse. If that is so, then this can be helped. If your orgasms have stopped, then that too implies a psychological block, although there are occasionally physical reasons for loss of orgasm. You could see a doctor about this, but not the person who prescribed the testosterone cream.
Generalised Anxiety Disorder is definitely going to interfere with libido, but you should still be able to respond and enjoy your sex life.
The best help I can recommend is an experienced and qualified sex therapist who understands relationships and can work with the two of you to get this back into a happy place for you.

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