Home » forums » Relationship Problems » Internet Porn Addiction

Help me try to help myself

Submitted by nicoletmw on Wed, 06/06/2007 - 01:47. Internet Porn Addiction | Sex Addiction

I really need some help here. I believe with my whole head and heart my bf of 2years is addicted to porn. He keeps telling me its not an addiction, he just enjoys porn, and it has nothing to do with me, that is in not an emotional thing. He tells me I have to chill out on him.
Well it has gotten bad, I have walked in on him masturbating to porn more than once, and was disgusted. If you ever come to our house, sit on the sofa at your own discrection, I dont. I used to love to watch him do that, it was foreplay for me, and I liked us using porn together. But since I have opened my eyes and have seen what it is all about for him, I am not turned on by it at all anymore. Of course he calls me frigid now. He watchs internet porn EVERYDAY, and indulges in solo-sex to dvds (since I made him cancel the porn channel) at least once a week(his own admission, I believe it to be more).
It has become almost impossible for me to reach an orgasm when and if we have sex, and he doesn't everytime either. I love this man with all my heart, but really feel there is a problem here.
He tells me it is so normal that every man does it, the difference is how the woman reacts. Well let me tell you, my reactions have been anything but good. It has gotten to be too much.
If he were only checking out porn once a week or something, maybe it wouldnt be so bad, but BELIEVE ME...it is EVERYDAY. All I have to do is check the computer. And if it has been something pretty bad, he will clear the temp files.
I've tried ignoring it, yelling, crying, counseling(by myself because according to him he isn't the one with the problem)
Please help me find a way to deal with this...
Any advice is appreciated....

» login to post comments | previous forum topic | next forum topic

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.

Dido... Me three...

Submitted by FedupinCA on Fri, 07/03/2008 - 00:43.

I take some comfort knowing that there are other women struggling to love their man too through this porn junk. I don't feel so alone.

I find myself wanting to take the computer and toss it out the window. I've smashed VHS tapes, eased files, tossed magazines...you'll never get it out of their life if they want it. I had a fantacy about living in a teepee techno free the other day. Husband riding in after a day of hunting with the dudes... NOT a computer in sight.

I've been in this hell for 23 years... you says he's just a bf... so RUN LIKE HELL OUT THE DOOR and don't even look back. Seriously, save yourself... save your self-esteme, your mind, your heart, your future kids from being exposed, your trust from being crashed all to heck.... just save yourself. I've been told there are men out there that don't do this... I'm not sure it's true. If i took a guess i'd bet 95% of guys do look at porn...but then I'm pesimistic now...Stay with him and you to can put the ugly glasses on. I walk down the street and see men and wonder what kind of smut they are into... how long they look at it... who they talk to...My vision of man kind is warped and twisted and it had alot of help getting that way. Save your self, protect your mind. I hope I'm wrong about all those guys... life seems pretty grim for all of us if I'm right.
Listen to the voice in your head...it's screaming for a reason. Thank god it became aware to you BEFORE marriage. I married before all this computer age...I got cursed with this monster well into the marrage and with kids to consider. Any young women with an option should save themself from this. It truely is like a painful affair, over and over and over...even if the affair is in his mind and on the screen. The betrayal stings just as much, will mess with your head like you can't even imagine now. Just listen to what your gut says...stop enabling.

Make love to her mind and her body will follow!

» login to post comments

Am there....

Submitted by alexkay1972 on Sun, 21/10/2007 - 20:56.

He will not want to hear that he is addicted. I have been dealing with it for 2 years. I have tried every approach - there is a great book called "Out of the Shadows" - I cant remember the authors name but he has a new one on Internet Porn addiction. I have spoken to other addicts via online support groups. (Author is Patrick Carnes. Ed.)

You can not help him - he has to realize it. Everytime you walk in on him he is humiliated - from the humiliation comes the anger... next time just sit down calmy and ask..."I really feel sorry for you. It must be so hard to have something like this have so much control over you...I want you to try this...ok if you are not addicted you convince me and I will drop it. Go one week without...only you will know what you fell - I cant read your mind. You can lie to me about it but you cant lie to yourself. So take this week - I am going to spend it on me and myself and see how long you can go without it. At the end of the week if you find yourself wanting to lie to me about how it went dont...just let me go," and be prepared to walk.
He has to want to quit. You cant force him but you can help yourself. This is damaging your self esteem and self worth. Love yourself enough to put your foot down, give him that chance, but walk if he doesnt step up.

I am saying this with hypocrisy - I am still trying to get out after a few of these. He can go without he says but it is never successful.

» login to post comments

nicole i have been going through the same

Submitted by yazzy on Thu, 05/07/2007 - 16:15.

nicole i have been going through exactly that same thing as you. I have just posted a comment on here and i am as lost too. The only difference is that my boyfriend has admitted that he has a problem which is what all thought was all that was needed, unfortunately it isnt. I have no idea what the future holds but reading about stuff it doesnt look good. I have been left feeling ugly & unattractive with no self esteem or confidence, completely the opposite to the woamn i was when i met him 2 years ago.

I can tell you of the options i have found out but the first thing that is need is for your boyfriend to admit he has a problem and at the moment he is in denial. He doesnt want to admit that there is an issue and this isnt helped by the environment we live in today. He will convince himself it is normal just like mine does (and mine knows he has a problem)

» login to post comments