I began getting raped, sodomized and gang raped from the age of five. 90% of the rapes that occured were either family members or the men that my family lost bets to, or they wanted drugs from. Now that I am 33 years old the only way that I can enjoy the act of penetration is if they seem as a threat they are going to hurt me.

Is This really sick of me or did all the years of force make me so warped that I just think that that is the way intercourse is supposed to feel? I did have one guy that I really loved and the first and only time we made love I just laid there and, he asked if I was enjoying it and I told him not really.

Then I have the question, when it occured several times I had an orgasm and now that I am with men that it is normal to have one I cant