look i know what ive done and its the biggest mistake i could have ever made, and it makes me sick to the stomach what i have done to that girl.

If there is a hell then i am in it and thats were i belong, if i could do anything to change what i have done then i would. She the most amazing girl in the world she would have done anything for me and i blew it. This girl changed me, helped me except love and taught me how to give love, I am nothing without her now my life is empty, she's so angry i'm to scared to approach her because of the rejection i will get!! I made her ill i realy hurt her and all i want is to prove that i made a stupid childish mistake and i just want to spend the rest of my life with her, so please i am suffering and i deserve every second of it......

Thank you for your reply, i have really hurt this girl and it just gets worse. I have arranged to see my doctor so he can refer me to talk to someone. I will definitely get the books you suggested.

Thank you

Was on here checking one of my posts and saw yours, it attracted my attention as its not that far from my own problem, though think mine is alittle worse (if it can get worse).

Does your x girlfriend know you have put this on this forum. Reason for saying that is, unless you are very clever, would say that you have taken the first step to getting help. While he seeing this post may not salvage your relationship, it might help her to at least believe alittle when u are telling her you are sorry.

You see once a man can not help himself and lies one after another even after promising, its so hard to believe him even when he is telling the truth. Believe me i am going through this myself now. She will be feeling so hurt and full of confusion as to why she did not see this coming, why she did not just dump you the first. She needs something to grasp that is real and not false to start pulling herself up. How do I know cos i do. If you think about it, you have lied, so every special moment you 2 have shared and every special word you have exchanged has just gone, they are false to her. Why should she believe you about that, when she believed you had stop time time again.

If she has not seen the post and you can email her to read it,it might just give her alittle to grasp back or reality, and faith in human nature. As she can see u have destroyed her and u need to prove something to her and not only her but yourself. Or you will just keep carrying on.

Thanks for your reply, i feel for you if your problem is worse than mine!! It chews you up inside doesn't it, i wish i could rewind my life..
Shes not really talking to me right now she is so hurt and angry, she found out i was going to a counciller and her response was good he needs help, i think at this stage i will have to let her get her Anger out. I hate myself for what i have done, why are we such animals i don't know.
i hope you are making head way with your problem, is it resolvable??

Well i would like to know that answer, yet you know yourself you are this monster that does not commit, that lies that hurts, you know all this yet u still do it, its this that needs the answers.

Yes I feel for your ex girl friend, she like my will be so full of hate, anger and want to hit out. I do think though mayb depends on her nature and how strong she is to over come this, she may need to talk to someone. I myslef was a pretty strong natured person, loving and kind considerate. Now though i find myself full of hatred and anger and its so unlike me. My worse fear is taking this through to another relationship. ie, everytime my new partner goes to a pc or picks up his mobile am i going to go for his throat with a vengence. I hope your x does not feel like this if she does she will need somone to help her stop feeling this way.

As for if my relationship will carry on,well at the moment i have been through the hitting shouting crying and for the min its calmer than it has been for weeks, but it only takes a small thing to spark it off, like a trigger for example he might say he fell sleep early, he may well of done but to me that is what he used to say before so i just go mental.

if you have not done so u can read my post i have "Is it bisexual or fantasy" Then you might see why im like i am.

Just read your post, oh my God you poor woman you sound amazing person for being as strong as you have been, my ex is exactly like you she has not one bad bone in her body, shes the most loving caring person you could ever meet!! What i was doing is no were near as bad as what your ex was doing, yes he does need help i think!! Funny you should mention the Bi thing, i have gay friends and i also lived in oz for a while and will be returning, Sydney is one of the biggest gay culture in the world so used to be around it, quite funny i think all men wonder about it, its only natural for us as we are breeding animals. Lucky enough i didn't follow up any homosexual feelings i might of had i'm strictly into woman full stop. I am from kent aswell and i managed to get to see a counseller in 2wks time through my GP so i would give it a go if i was you. I am very ashamed of what i did and embarrassed, she came around other night to collect some more things and she was like a stranger to me, didn't want to listen or talk to me!! I really don't know what to do, shes all i want. I know her as a person and i know she loves me to death and will be hurting real bad. Do i leave her to calm down or try to make her see that i made a stupid mistake and love her more than anything in the world??

Well even after reading my own post i dont believe it, and that was just a rough round up so bits are missing.

Right back to ur post. can i ask a cpl questions

How old are you both? only asking this as diff age groups react diff if you can understand what i mean. In ur teens your are ready to jump from one to another, where as in your 40s etc u are more mature and can see things in different light.

How many times were u unfaithful to her and she found out, yes even txt is class as unfaithfulness. /why would another man want to talk like that to another female when he is in love and meant to be with another woman.

How many times has she taken u back and accepted you will change?

First of all from taking it from my own experience she will not see it as a stupid mistake, Once yes but not twice or any other amount. She will see it as betrayal, and u doing the most thing that you no will hurt her and yet u still do it. So if you are to try to talk to her just watch how you word it, i do hope that you are truley sure this is the route you want to take, because like me, im begging you to leave her alone if u are only to take her back down the same road a few months on. You now have your freedom to do what ever it is that pleases you, make sure its just not the case of when you got it u dont want it (ur girlfiend) but when you dont have it u want it.does that make sense.

Im not sure how long this has all been going on for but if its only a very short time and she is not ready to talk to u, then use this time to stop everything that has hurt her,go to the counselling, and at the end of it if u are still this much in love with her, then will be the time to act.... If however she has found somone else by this time, then all is not lost, you will be able to control this urge with your new partner and not make the same mistakes.

As for me i am going to my gp tomorrow over somthing else, if i can feel i can pluck up enough courage and tell her some of the things that have been going on i might see what help she might be able to offer....... You mentioned you are so ashamed of what you did, well im ashamed to admit i have been treated like this, and i dare say your x girlfriend feels the same, she has been hurt so deep, her pride her love and everything else will feel meanless.

So you are in Kent erm wonders if all kent men are like this lol.

I was unfaithful once at the beginning of the relationship, I go to Canada twice a year because i teach martial arts and my instructor lives there, i slept with a girl from Texas but stayed in touch with her as friends by email, My ex found the emails and emailed her asking her who she was then everything came out in the open.
She has left me before because of txt i was getting of girly friends which is the truth, it was the fact that i lied about getting the txt that made her leave because she read my phone then questioned me, that happened a couple of times. I was stupid because it was inocent but i made it look guilty by lieing so trust was at jepody. It was very hard from the beginning because i'm emigrating to oz eventually so this was a burden on our relationship because at first she did not want to come, but things changed she moved in with me which i have never done with any girl, im 37 and shes 25!! me being the well travelled over confident, been single for 5 yrs mr charmer made her feel like she was the one. We had been together for 2 yrs and up until 6 months ago i really didn't know what i wanted plus the fact that hate being in this country etc commiting to someone was differcult so i was flirting with girls by phone and email. Then things changed i realised how much this girl really loved me and how much i loved her and living with her and being a couple, So i was content with this girl for the first time in my life i was content. But the past caught up with me! She is my world and i never had chance to prove it. I hope you can get help with your probs, do feel for you what you been through!! kent guys are great lol.

Hi

Well i guess to you the txt and emails meant nothing, as with most men u are not actually having a physical side and having affair. WRONG........ Im afraid you are!! Now it does not matter if it is just done out of frustration sex wise, ego boost, or feelings, it is WRONG.

Now do this for a moment take a time where u will not be distracted its quiet. Relax close your eyes and really day dream to all the things you have done wrong, all the calls emails and excitement you got. BUT instead of it being you feeling and doing all these things, sit back and watch your girlfriend doing them, talking to all them men txting them behind your back, keeping the truth from you, etc How would YOU FEEL. Then just mayb u might feel a small part of what she is feeling.

Here is an example that was actual fact... My ex was doing all that he was doing (you have read it and more) one night i had the pc on and msn was signed in, nw everyone on my msn no that i am seeing someone and i have nothing to hide at all, but this one bloke who i had not talked to for months came back to me and said "high darling have you got time for me tonight" I read it and the truth was oh f** off dont wanna speak to you. so closed window without replying. Later on that night, i do alot of movie dl, and was in a movie chat room with my partner by my side. we were trying to get some movies and a new person joined the chat..... She was asked if wanted to become a member, now if u do u have to agree to about 10 rules, one of them being : This is not a chat room for sex or dating and if anyone uses it as this they will be kicked! So as i have been a member for ages and no alot on there i just made a stupid comment.... "oh does that mean i dont get my snog tonight then" Now with that my partner went quiet, he went upstairs for a wash come down and had a cig and went to bed without a word....... I was totally confused and did not know what i had done wrong.... In the morning i found out it was because of the msn and what i had put in the chat room. Now this was bout 3wks for we split up this time (did not no the extent of his betrayal then)Of course i knew bout previous times so i was angry that he felt like he did and i had done nothing wrong behind his bk and infact nothing wrong infront of him..... BUT the moral of this story is that he felt hurt and wondered just for a minuite if i was actually doing things, and because his were not innocent, he cld not believe u cld just be innocent if you no wat i mean, so just for a small moment he knew a tiny bit of how i felt.......

Is your x afraid of moving county, maybe she is not ready to move away from her family and friends. Maybe she is afraid (and has every right to be) that if you are like this here and she has all her friends and family around her, what if you are like this when you move to a strange country... She will have no one. Ok you have done no where near as much as my x. But im guessing the emails chat and txt were just not hello how are you? I no every relationship does not have its gaurentees but this one is weak and has had more downs than ups maybe. Moving away has also probably made her determind not to get back with you, Im only guessing this as im putting how i wld feel into it........

So tell me what is it you are hoping to gain out of getting your counselling what is it u want to no and what is it that you think is so bad that you have to have counselling in the first place......Im asking these questions and i can bet any money that these are the first few questions you will be asked when you go there.

Right just quick up date on mine: Plucked up the courage to talk to my doctor but not in any great detail. But it seems that i can not get help my x has to do it. Trouble is he is not registard with any doctors so he cant. So looks like gotta struggle on own with it all AGAIN!!!!

I think you are my counseller arn't you, your doing bloody good job in making me understand. My ex was very afraid of moving away for all the reason's you mentioned, didn't blame her imagine if this happened over there, i'm so bloody selfish!! She finished with me about 6mths ago because the relationship was going nowere and because i wasn't making any effort to commit to her. As it was i was emigrating back to oz and that was final, but i couldn't deal with it when she left me so i said to her move in with me and come to oz aswell we can work through it, bless her this girl would do anything for me, i have tears streaming down my face writing this. I was so scared of commitment it was untrue but when she moved in i loved it and it just got better, then my whole world fell apart.

Now i'm alone in this big appartment and i often do would you said anyway, the 2yrs we were together plays like a movie in my mind and i hate myself so much for what i have done to her, i wish i could turn back the clock i honestly do.

I just feel i need to express myself to someone who doesn't know me, thats why i want to see counseller, and why i do what i do when i should be so content, i was in a relationship before for 5yrs and i did the same thing, not as bad and as much but i still did it.

I don't like the person i am and i am angry with me, because of what i do teaching martial arts i am a very confident person and always in control, i give the impression i'm bullet proof but i'm not and i have to learn to be different other wise i'm just going keep hurting people.

i want my ex to know how sorry i am and i now understand everything, i don't want her to think of me as the sick pervert she thinks i am.
Time is the only saving grace i have i think.

You must be amazing person to deal with whats happen to you, woman are so much stronger than men, you amaze me. Yes he's the one who defiantly needs help, doesn't he realise what hes done you, and to keep doing it, its like putting more and more needles into a voodoo doll.

Thanks for helping me understand, you should feel good about yourself for what your doing for me. Its crazy how anothers sadness can help another to be happy