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my boyfriend is lying about his porn collection

Submitted by 88rs88 on Sat, 24/03/2007 - 05:30. Internet Porn Addiction | Sex Addiction

HI there. I see that lots of women are going through this problem. I just don't understand men at all. Why do men in so called "happy relationships" that are supposedly "in love" look at porn? I think they are sick and disturbed and i think it is cheating.
I am by no means a prude. I love sex. but I do not think it is at all appropriate for a boyfriend or a husband to be looking at that stuff and especially LYING about it. I have been with mine since Aug 04, we broke up for 5 months and have been back together since Aug 06. We started having problems when I found his porn stash in Oct 05 and confronted him about it. NOw when we first started dating I flat out asked him do you have any porn? OH no he said. I don't look at that stuff.

My guitar magazines are my porn. So I dropped it. He knows that I am a very jealous person and that i am trying to curb it. So when I found the 2 boxes under his bed some with current dates (mags) I was severely pissed. He said he had tried to give them to his friends. Whatever. He was extremely mad that I snooped through his room. Well he was only mad because he got caught. I'm not stupid. So anyway just tonight I found 2 brand new May 2007 issues tucked under his mattress (along with tons of older ones) Since we got back together, everything has been amazing. Our sex life is great, we don't fight. SO WHAT THE HELL??????????? It is cheating. I consider it cheating as he is staring at another naked woman and that is not part of the deal. I am the only naked one he should be staring at and that's it. I think it is sick and gross and of course,

I will never look like the WHORES that make up this industry. He tells me I'm the most beautiful woman and he loves me blah blah blah. What a bunch of CRAP. Since I caught him in some bad lies the first time around, when we got back together I'm sorry to say it was payback time. I have cheated on him 3 times. It seems to me that he cheats on me with those mags quite a bit. IT's what he deserves. And now I will cheat again. Payback is a bitch. HE IS STILL LYING TO ME so I will lie to him. I do love him and I thought everything was getting better. I'm not a cheater. I would've NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS cheated on him before but the lies were too much. I have even started to feel a little guilty about it but when I was cheating if the guilt started, I just pictured those magazines and that was all I needed.

Seriously, I do not know what to do :o( I am 31 years old and we do not live together but he has always talked about marriage. I do not want to marry someone who loves porn so much. He has sooooo many magazines it's gross. and I can't keep cheating on him because that is so not the right thing to do but I am just SO DAMN ENRAGED AND FURIOUS.

I seriously am starting to consider just being alone. It seems that all men are filthy disgusting pigs anyway. If you love someone, you don't stare at other naked women. PERIOD. This society has created monsters and the porn industry should be blown to smithereens and all the people involved, especially the WHORES. Do any of you other women agree?

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It´s about love and respect

Submitted by Liljan on Mon, 15/10/2007 - 20:18.

My opinion is that I don´t understand men either. Just don´t get it. Pretend a father living happily with his wife and children, Perfect isn´t it. But behind this fasade the father is looking porn! It´s not a loving relationship! Men are pigs and it is just disgusting to know men who loves their woman treat her like this behind her back.

I asked my boyfriend what he would think if I looked porn, what if I looked gay porn. He reacted and said he would think I needed help or was sick. So what are men then if they look to woman??? YOU TELL ME! I think that woman are so acceptable of this that they forget their own value and why love exist at all. Woman who say this is ok have lost their respect for themself and it´s sad how they have lost their understanding of how you are expected to be loved and treated. In a world we live in today and everything is ok and normal in the end, it´s not strange people loses themself.

I´m happy I value myself in the way I do, I respect myself and would never accept my boyfriend having porn magazines in our home! It would be me or the porn.

I haven´t seen any magazine again since last time and if I caught him having this and new it was his I would dump him! No doubt! I like you 88rs88 could never marry a man if he had a bunch of magazines, it´s horrible. What father would that be?

I hope you find peace with yourself in this and that you find out what you want to do. Remember what you are worth! I´m sure he loves you, but if he can´t stop with this he need help because it´s not healthy for any of you.

Best wishes!

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I´m agree

Submitted by Liljan on Thu, 13/09/2007 - 10:45.

I´m agree with 88rs88,

I hate my boyfriend for his porn, he knows I hate it so much, he knows what it does to our relationship and I can´t possible love him when thinking he do this. He forgot to throw away a mag on his bed and I saw it, he came with a f******ng lie where he told me he should throw it away so noone else should open it and read it while they should play poker, like I should be saved!! Come on! I can´t build my love for my boyfriend, I hate him so much for this, I hate men! They are disgusting animals with disrespect for their women. Why on earth should we accept that crap and be humiliated and degraded???!!! Let me tell you all, that the real sick people is the ones who think this is acceptable. Did men need this before the porn exist at all, no they didn´t, so this bullshit saying men need it and it´s ok is fucking bullshit!!!

There is two people ment to be in a relationship, not a mix of other naked women in mags and internet. It is cheating, there is infact two ways of being unfaithful as you can read on the net. It is emotional unfaithfullness and unfaithful in real. Both are a fraud against the other! I´ve been thinking the same way, it´s awful of me and it´s sick too, but if my boyfriend´s gonna look at other women behind my back, then he´s to me unfaithful! So yes, I´ll take revenge and do the same in real. For me it´s the same. If he can´t respect me and love me, why should I respect him?! You should do to other what you want them to do to you. And in love that is going both ways, not only one way. What you people are saying is that it´s ok for the man not to respect their women, but the women should. It should be equal, that´s what it´s all about. Men need to taste their own medicine, then they can see how good they will feel. I bet they would feel very sad and not loved.

The world is dsigusting and men are demoralized, many women are too. The world and the love between people was never ment to be this way, it´s pure evil.

Men wants to be loved while they are cheating and are being disrespectful, how on earth can they think they get loved?!! Well, my boyfriend may think so, but no, I don´t feel so soft hearted for him, but I do try to keep up a friendly face and say I love him. I guess I do, but at the same time I hate him so much that I can´t love him. I hate him and love him.
In my opinion he don´t love me and that will never change. Why should I love him....he don´t deserve it...but it´s better than being alone, I guess....

Go girl, keep your limits because you are worth so much more than that!! and so am I....
would like to hear from you 88rs88....

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I´m totally agree with you!!!

Submitted by Liljan on Thu, 13/09/2007 - 09:40.

Hi,
I´m, totally agree with you, when men cheat and lie about their disgusting porn shit, I´ll say it is the same to be unfaithful in their mind. I look at it as being unfaithful, yes I do. I just caught my boyfriend, he forgot to throw away a mag from his bed before we came into his house. And I got so angry because he knows how much I hate it. If a man really loves a woman he would never ever do that, it only shows how little worth we are and how little respect they have for women. I have been thinking of doing the same as you, as long as he do his shit thing wioth porn, I´ll be cheating on him in real, it´s only fair. YEAH!

Why on earth should he pop up his selfish EGO without me and look at other women and yeah, maybe masturbate too when he is ment to be with me. It is sickening, disrespectful and it makes me want to throw up. I HATE MEN SO MUCH! And I hate to think about my boyfriend do this. I feel I hate him and I hate it so much and it is not possible for me to love him when I can´t trust him. Go girl, don´t feel guilty, he lied first and many times to you, you don´t deserve the crap and either do any women. They have to taste their own medicine. Crap animals as they are. What a sick world! What we need men for when they don´t respect us.

I can´t tell you how common our thoughts are. You are so right, God Bless You for being a healthy and normal women!

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Do you seriously believe

Submitted by soundisblind on Sun, 01/04/2007 - 03:06.

Do you seriously believe that looking at a magazine is on the same level as picking up a stranger in a bar and physically having sex with them? And you have seriously physically cheated on someone you apparently love FOUR times, because he looks at women in magazines?!

Oh. My. God.
Sorry for saying it but from reading this post i am getting the impression that you are the one who is sick, not your boyfriend.

almost ALL men look at porn. Its not because theyre not "in love" with you, its not cos they dont care about you, its because youre not the only fantasy any one man is going to have for the rest of their lives. Sorry but youre not. Not to mention the fact that porn enhances couples sex lives by giving people new ideas to keep things interesting.

If your boyfriend didn't love you, he would be taking out his own sexual frustration on real women, like YOU have done to him.

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yup i seriously believe it

Submitted by 88rs88 on Wed, 11/04/2007 - 16:09.

yup i seriously believe it is on the same level. It makes me just as furious. If he is lying about that,god only knows what else is he lying about. it could be the first step. oh i want to fantasize about other women could lead to why don't i just try out with another woman? she doesn't need to know. It is all a matter of trust and continuously lying about this makes me wonder what else he is doing. After the confrontation, he said he was going to give them to his friends and that he didn't need them anymore. the new ones there obviously state the real truth. I feel that if I am giving him everything he needs, there is no need to stare at other women and pleasure himself. I'm the one who wants sex all the time and he doesn't want it half the time-probably because he has already satisfied himself. I would love to be one of those women that says oh thank god it's only magazines and not the real thing-other real women. I understand the difference but it sickens and infuriates me just the same. I know I will eventually have to leave him over this and it's too bad because we had a good thing going. like i said in my last post, i would've never cheated on him before but this is too much. I'm not getting sex because of these magazines. and oh I can't wait until he gets the internet. it's certainly not enhancing our sexual life as it is almost diminishing because of it. he could care less about the real thing when the real thing me-does not have double d breasts and won't have a threesome with 2 other whores. i just think that this could be one of many lies and who knows? he might be cheating on me. the reason i cheated on him mostly was due to other stuff (very big indications that he had cheated on me before can never have proof though but I did the math)
I haven't cheated on him since Jan and I know that I shouldn't have but with each new mag i just don't know what to do
and you are very welcome to your opinion that I am sick but obviously i don't agree. I think all men who are in so called loving relationships and still are obsessed with porn, are sick and have major issues. I will not be one of those helpless women who will sit there and take that stuff from him. it makes me feel awful and i have to get some kind of revenge. it is pretty sad how our society has become when people think that porn is not a big deal. it is a huge problem for tons of people.

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What a crock

Submitted by Tableforglasses on Fri, 20/04/2007 - 06:45.

Honey, I doubt the reason you're not getting any is because of porn. As a woman who is all of the following:
a) an ex adult industry worker
b) a woman in a relationship
c) a very sexually active woman
I find it absolutely absurd that you can't just take pornography at face value.
There is a severe difference between being obsessed with porn and looking at it for fantastical fodder.
To be quite honest, I'm 7 months pregnant right now, and a few weeks ago, I found some porn on my boyfriend's computer. I confronted him very rationally and said it made me uncomfortable because I'm pregnant and don't feel as attractive, and that was that. If I see he's continued to look at porn though he promised me otherwise, does that mean I'm going to start nailing any guy who'll allow it? Hell no. I agree, it seems like you're the one with the problem. I can understand insecurities, but they should be discussed, not acted upon in such a disgusting, relationship-violating way.
Porn is a FANTASY. It is not a living, breathing person that men are having sex with.
What should make you feel awful is how you took it upon yourself to act out your revenge. Are you 7 years old?

The odds of you finding a man that doesn't look at pornography are slim to none, and on the other hand, the chance that you're worthy of a man who's everything you seem to want are slim to none as well.

And you ARE getting sex because of his magazines, just from other people. That's more degrading to your boyfriend than him looking at porn could EVER EVER EVER be to you.

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wasnt going to reply but i couldnt resist

Submitted by troubled21 on Fri, 13/04/2007 - 08:51.

Well done by the way for not cheating since jan...
Swear your not being reasonable at all. The only reason you are so inseccure that he is cheating is because you have already 4 times. ALL men look at porn and naked women, nearly every women he sees when he is out he has undressed in his head. think about that when your having your crummy affair, you think that the person you are having an affair with isnt looking at porn when alone. why not try watching it with him. in fact why not set him free as im sure he can do better than a cheating partner anyway. your clearly not good enough for him. I cant believe what i just read. He is just masturbating like most med do at least twice a day, do you sleep with him as often as that? doubt it? and even if you did he would still look at porn. check out this book it might help you see the difference between men and women and what turns each on "why men dont listen and women cant read maps" by alan and barbara pease. Men are stimmulated by things they see and women are stimmulated by emmotions. we are simply different. give him a break and get real.

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i totally agree with you

Submitted by soundisblind on Sun, 15/04/2007 - 17:24.

i totally agree with you 'troubled21'. women need to stop being so emotionally upset by their partners looking at porn and just accept that men and women are very different. women like to imagine things and role play in their minds and men just like a picture or a video to look at to get them going.
what women get upset about is the fact that their partners are looking at women in porn, and they think that their partner wants to specifically have sex with this woman in the film. THIS IS NOT THE CASE!! whoever is in the film is only a visual stimulant and chances are your husband or boyfriend doesnt even look at their face or even know their name so there is nothing to be jealous of is there.

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i apologise that i cant

Submitted by soundisblind on Thu, 12/04/2007 - 22:18.

i apologise that i cant tell you what you want to hear but i really think you are looking at this in completely the wrong light. i think you should look at it how i said that nearly all men look at porn.
i also think you should bare in mind that 2 out of 3 relationships end because one of the two partners has physically cheated on their other half. there would be a lot of women out there that would be grateful if their boyfriend was looking at a few magazines and not having sex with real women behind their backs. what would you do if you fell pregnant by another man because you were trying to teach your boyfriend a silly lesson?

you are forcing your partner to lie to you about his porn collection. by making it so clear to him that you hate it so much you are telling him that he can't be open and honest about it with you, you are forcing him to hide it from you because you can't cope with it. this is only making your situation worse. a lot of couples watch pornography together during sex or have a general laugh about it together have you ever thought about that?

i get the impression that your boyfriend might be looking at porn more often than you would like because he feels like he cant relax with you, especially as you seem to be so uptight about porn and sex and other women in general.

have you ever heard the saying that you can never find "100% completion in another person"?

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