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i have put up with my partners porn addiction for 8 years

Submitted by paula on Sun, 11/03/2007 - 01:59. Internet Porn Addiction

i have put up with his addiction for 8 years an i cant take it anymore. its gone from bad to worse, the other week i found i modem hidden under the couch, whn i asked him about it he replied it came free with the mobile phone. through the post whn i was in work, of course. i couldnt believe it. as i thought he had been free from porn, as we didnt hav an internet,(got rid of computer som time ago due to him going on porn) BUT my daughter has a lap top, he had been using to access porn. to my dismay. anyway i checked the history and to my horrer it was full of porn and pics of teens, but worst of all he had been looking at sex dating sites and escort agency sites and dogging areas near were we live, i just broke down in tears, i felt sick to the stomach, and couldnt stop shaking. why would he do this to me, put me through this hell. i am no prude and we do have generaly a good sex life, he lies to me everytime i ask him about going on porn. like i said its been going on for 8 years and i always found out about his little secret, an like a fool i brushed it under the carpet but i was ready to leave him the other day, cos enough is enough but he pleaded with me to stay . so i am giving it another go, and hes going to get help, but i know ill be here again hurt and betrayed, yet again but next time there will be no more chances . ive read some of the posts in this topic and i can relate to most of them. i could go on an on with what ive been through but it would take me forever . my heart goes out to u all who is going through this. oh by the way i do love my partner but hate what he puts me through.

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The only thing i can offer

Submitted by soundisblind on Fri, 16/03/2007 - 10:16.

The only thing i can offer for comfort is that a LOT of people do this. Look at porn on the internet involving young girls and boys. Lets face it, if nobody looked at it it wouldn't exist right? I have found pictures on my partners computer of girls in no clothes who i would guess to be about 12 or 13 years old. I find this totally disgusting especially as i had myself been abused at that age. When he saw that i had been looking at it he immediately wen't into his porn folder and he deleted everything he knew that i wouldnt like. When i asked him why it had all been deleted he said "because i knew youd freak out about it"... well who wouldnt? right? I think its disturbing that he would use your daughters laptop to look at pictures of young girls in porn. I would be asking myself is he going to be looking at your daughters friends when they come for sleepovers etc. I have given my partner another chance because he has said the pics of the young girls were just pictures in a large batch of files he downloaded all at the same time, he didnt view them or use them he says he just forgot to delete them. In your position i'm not sure i would do the same especially not after 8 years.

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NOT young kids especially!

Submitted by Mature Man on Sat, 19/05/2007 - 20:12.

I just reread your post and my reply and realized that I may not have been clear. I have NEVER watched, let alone enjoyed, porn involving kids! Mature women, yes, and the more mature the better, up to a point, but not kids!

In any event, any kind of porn can be deadening and I wish him (and you) luck weaning him from it.

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child abuse

Submitted by Mirijam on Fri, 18/05/2007 - 17:11.

How anyone can live with someone watching underaged I cant understand, if the demand was not there THESE POOR KIDS WOULD NOT BE ABUSED. i BELEIVE ITS MORE HUMANE TO KILL A CHILD THEN TO SEXUALLY ABUSE, THEY'LL NEVER RECOVER AND IT IS HELL TO THEM People end up in jail looking at child pornograhpy It is illegal If I had a spouse watching kids which to me is abusing kids I would leave and turn him in to the police to protect these poor kids.

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Porn addiction

Submitted by Mature Man on Mon, 12/03/2007 - 09:45.

My sympathies, because I understand from the male side. I, too, found myself enjoying porn on the web, and masturbating with it. After all, one can find exactly the "variety" one wants and can thus satisfy virtually any kind of "preference"!

However, like many before me, I eventually found out that this activity was detracting from my REAL relationship and actually hindering my ability to get an erection in actual sex with a partner, probably because my fantasies were not being totally met then. After all, how can any real person possibly meet every fantasy, at that very moment?

I wish you luck dragging him away from the porn. I found my wn sex life imprpved a lot when I backed away from it, except for very occasional times.

Good luck.

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from a male perspective...

Submitted by jesse on Sun, 17/02/2008 - 10:44.

I have just joined this site out of exasperation and read this comment. I have been with my partner since 2002. In 2003 I learnt he enjoyed porn on internet whenever I was not around (we have been living together since we met, basically): the first time it was too obvious and couldn't lie about it. I questioned him about it: why he did that, was there something missing between each other, was I not satisfying him enough and so on. He assured me all was ok between us, that it's just something that he enjoys because it gives him ideas. I accepted it but then...we did the same thing over and over. So a second time I caught (by chance, as I never went digging in his personal life or files etc) a porn downloading (xxxx with a horse and stuff like that).

I admit I became disgusted. He told me it was a recent movie that came out...who was he kidding? I was packing my bags at that point. He stopped me, telling me he was not going to do it again. As time went on (and he kept doing it whenever he had the chance or whenever I had my monthly cycle, the latter being excusable, better than going with prostitutes...which he never did he says and in this case I believe him). So I now find myself in this position: this porn business through the years has had a negative effect (I think) on my sexual relationship with him...I just can't enjoy it (I don't know why, but I have NO stimuli anymore, in general). I have given up many things for him (all my hobbies: music, painting, climbing) but he has never given up ONE thing for me.

Relationships need a compromise once in a while: if you know something you do makes your partner sad, won't you at least consider not doing it? I don't mean change the way you live (though I did, my life now is nothing but work, as he has always told me work comes before anything, even relationships for him--we have a business together) but just change a few things if you really love your partner. Now he wants kids but I don't and I am not ready to give up THIS idea as well as I would once more respond to something HE wants...it's not fair. Am I too egotistical?

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