I'm 25 and have been sexually active for 7 years. I lost my virginity when I was almost 19--good time I felt. I was a little weirded out--but it all smoothed out and I couldn't get enough. Then we broke up and I moved away to college and I had several partners. I met my present boyfriend when I was almost 21. In the beginning I felt like he was probably pretty sloppy in bed, but he was so sweet--so the relationship blossomed. It was a month before we actually had any sort of intimate sexual activity, and that first night he gave me a blow job--if that's what you wanna call it--imagine! I thought this to be very thoughtful, a break from most men, and besides, he was pretty amazing at it. Then we started having sex, but it always started the same; he'd kiss me and pull up the back of my shirt, I'd get undressed, I'd undress him, blow him, he do me, then he'd grab my nipples, blah blah blah. So I had to mix it up. We stared having sex in unsual places, on top of a mountain, in my parents car, at his parents house, etc.

Then I got pregnant--I was hardly 21 and neither of us had finished college. So we decided to abort. It was a very painful decision for the both of us. I was heavily medicated the day of the abortion, otherwise I probably would have backed out. We aborted and two weeks later went in for the checkup--I was still pregnant. This time I had to call my mom and confess, as I was pretty wrecked. We aborted, this time it took, and we were back in business...almost. I was severly depressed. I got frequent UTI's and so I just stayed in bed a lot of the time. We moved to attend college and I was still pretty depressed. But, as it happens, I hate to be unhappy, so I found a way out of that funk--finding a very good job and liking my homelife.

A year later I was pregnant again. Not to seem daft, but we were using condoms. They irritated me, but they were much better than the side effects I got with the pill. It seems we were on the losing end of 92%. So I decided to abort again. At this point there wasn't even a question. I used the pill, RU 486, and this time it was worse. I was in severe pain, but I lived it out. I went in for the checkup exam, and lo and behold, I was still pregnant. So we did it again. This time I haemoraged so badly that I had to go to the hospital. They gave me some pretty good drugs--and I lay there feeling the lowest, seeing my boyfriend and the pain on his face, I wished they would give him something too. After that, I started getting really sick. I even went through tests for lupus, finding that in a conservative test I am not sick with lupus, in a liberal test, I could be.

I buckled down and made it through school and now nearly four years later, I'm well. Except for this one thing--I haven't had a sexual appetite for my boyfriend since the first abortion. It was an amazing thing that I got pregnant again. My boyfriend and I broke up a year an a half ago--he had a relationship with a "friend" of mine and found out that she was a pretty terrible person, but only after realizing how much he missed me. So we've been back together for about a year now--it all sounds so sordid, at the time of the events, it seemed like life was slamming my face into the wall trying to teach me something. I should say that in the last year, I've had several vaginal infections. One even caused me to lose my job as I was absent at the onset of the position too much. I haven't had such a problem since Christmas, but I haven't been the same since. I do get aroused, by other men or by masturbation, but not by the one I love so dearly. I'm not sure what to do.