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My boyfriend doesn't know how to turn me on

Submitted by strawberrysurprise on Mon, 19/02/2007 - 23:47. General

This is really hard to write. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years and our relationship is brilliant in so many ways. But our sex life has always been disappointing to me, and I kept hoping it would improve, but it hasn't and I'm starting to think it never will. He just doesn't know what to do to turn me on.

I love oral sex and he almost never does this for me (for two years he never did it at all but now he has relented and is at least trying). He's never really bothered if I go down on him either. I know he fancies me but he never tries to do anything to get me going. He does things he knows I don't like (like touching me in certain ways) but doesn't seem to want to learn what I do like. He says "we're just lazy", but it's not me it's just him.

I really don't want this relationship to end but I'm starting to resent him for it, and I get annoyed even if we are going to have sex because I'm pretty certain he won't do anything properly. I do often orgasm when we have sex, but only because I touch myself. I can count on one hand the number of times he has given me an orgasm himself. I told him this the other day and he didn't really seem that worried about it.

He is the most wonderful man, but he's just not really bothered about sex. He once said that he preferred a cup of tea to having sex! I've always had quite a high sex drive and been very comfortable with my own sexuality but I'm starting to feel like all this is my fault and I'm being too demanding. But if we don't sort this out we might as well just be friends. I can't imagine ending this relationship because of sex but I can't see it progressing if we don't sort this out. We talk about it alot and agree to try but he never does anything different. I don't like thinking about it too much because it makes me really sad.

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Poor Lover

Submitted by Mature Man on Tue, 20/02/2007 - 10:07.

I cannot imagine a man not wanting to give pleasure to his partner. That's what "making love" is all about! For me, my partner's extreme ecstasy is a huge part of MY pleasure, too. If my partner wanted oral, I'd be down on her every chance we had, trying to do it exactly the way she liked, as communicated by her words and her movements, until she came and came. In my case, I love do give oral but have a woman who finds it distasteful, so I'm frustrated in that regard! Too bad so many couples end up "out of phase", isn't it?

It is NOT your "fault". Sex is obviously important to you -- as it is to most of us -- so I'd think very hard about giving up on this man before you end up truly unhappy permanently. No intimate relationship can survive unless BOTH parties are pretty much on the same page.

I wish you well, and I hope you find a man who can fulfill you in every way. You deserve no less.

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Doesn't want to

Submitted by mpramage on Tue, 20/02/2007 - 08:28.

It seems that he doesn't really want to change in this respect. In the two and a half years you have been together you have tried to ask for what you need and encouraged him to give you pleasure, but he would prefer a cup of tea. I don't think he gets much out of sex, possibly as a result of the sexual abuse, so he doesn't understand how to give it.

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