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My boyfriend is curious, should I "test" him to see if he'll cheat on me with a man?

Submitted by beth on Wed, 07/02/2007 - 23:24. General

I have had indicators that my boyfriend might be gay (high-pitch, etc), other people can see it too. I caught my him looking at gay porn several times. Each time he has said that he was never going to act on his attraction to guys, he is also attracted to girls, that he would never leave me, would always love me, and that he wouldn't look at gay porn again. I would ideally like to be with a straight guy, but I love him, and I can deal with it if he is bi. However my fear is that one day he will change his mind about our relationship and decide he wants to be with a guy. We have sex almost every night, and we both enjoy it. Before all of this happened we had planned on getting married soon. I honestly do want to marry him. I love him more than I have ever loved anyone. He treats me great, is so considerate. We have so much fun together. I can't imagine being with anyone else. I am committed to him and feel that he is committed to me...I just don't want to make a mistake. I have contemplated devising a test: sending him a fake email from a supposed guy who is interested in him and see if he responds, and if so, how he responds. Am I crazy? Should I do this?

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Rethink your relationship

Submitted by wobbler on Mon, 12/02/2007 - 15:28.

My first husband was like this -- attracted to men, and was openly bisexual. He had had previous relationships with both men and women. We had great sex, got married, and had a son. It was a wonderful marriage.

For 5 years.

Then he "decided" he was strictly gay, found a male lover, and moved out of the house. It was devastating. He literally went from this wonderful, loving, attentive husband to a cold, woman-hating stranger within the course of a week. I got a divorce and moved out of state, taking our son with me, because he started threatening not only to kidnap him, but to make sure he was raised gay.

Not saying your relationship would end up like that, but please be careful, and you might be better off finding out NOW if he prefers men to women rather than later, when a family might be involved....

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Thanks for the reply. It's

Submitted by beth on Tue, 13/02/2007 - 20:42.

Thanks for the reply. It's good to hear another opinion. My boyfriend and I have talked about this several times. He always gets defensive and upset when I want to talk about it. However, a couple days after I posted my question, we had a really good talk about it; he really opened up and was understanding of my worries. He assured me that he likes women just as much as he likes men, and that he loves me. He made me feel a lot better about the situation, and I think we are going to be okay.

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Don't do this!

Submitted by mpramage on Thu, 08/02/2007 - 09:12.

Having a high pitched voice and looking at gay porn does not mean your boyfriend is gay!! He says he is not, has plenty of sex with you, why wouldn't you believe him?

Nothing can secure a relationship for all time. Trust, and honest open communication are the foundations, and if you devise a test of this sort, you are demonstrating no trust and using subterfuge to get an answer to a question he has already answered. Why would he ever trust you again afterwards?

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