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fear of relationships

Submitted by Anonymous on Sun, 04/07/2004 - 17:03. Relationship Problems

Im 19 she is 20, and my girlfriend of 3 weeks has finished with me. I know its not a long time for a relationship but in this time I came come to fall in love with her. She is perfect in every way, physically and in personality. We have had a great 3 weeks, meeting each other out and phoning each other every night. We are both quite shy, and we have only had sex once in the 3 weeks.

She told me she cares about me a lot, and wants things to work between us, and that she is scared of losing me. I feel the same way about her. But Friday night, we were out in a club and everything was great, she unfortunately had work the next morning and couldn't sleep at mine, which kind of upset me. After I got home we started to text each other on our phones and she said she wants to see other people, and she isn't ready for a relationship. She has been cheated on in the past with a boyfriend of 5 years. I believe she is afraid of getting close to me, I believe in asking her to sleep at mine I have put too much pressure on her and tried to rush things, I really really like her and don't want to lose her, but she won't answer her phone to me, and when I text her she tells me to stop texting her, threatening to change her number and tells me to leave her alone, to forget about her, and to move on. This is a big shock, as she changed from caring for me and wanting us to be together to not wanting any contact with me at all in just 1 night.

I have no clue what to do, I dont know her true feelings, how could she say all the nice things to me, and now finish me this way? I will see her on Thursday in the same club we always go in, and I have no idea how to approach her, she says she doesn't want to speak to me or for me to text her, so what will approaching her in a club do? Im so confused I dont know what I've done wrong? I dont know what to do now, my friends and family are telling me to move on, but I care about her so much it's driving me insane that she has finished with me out of the blue claiming to be unready for a relationship. Please help me, thanks in advance.

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It's hard yes

Submitted by Ife on Fri, 25/01/2008 - 16:05.

I have just left a three year relationship and I really loved him. A few weeks later, I made a relationship with someone that I was friends with for years. He's now telling me that he loves me. Now I do like him i really can't tell you why i'm with him actually. He has all that a woman can ever ask for. However, I can't sweet talk with him without it feeling a little weird. I can't touch him with out remembering my past lover, i kissed him, it was good but i can't help but think that it was good only because i wanted it to be good so that i can feel as though i'm over that last one. The thing is i do want to move on, but i'm so scared and tired of the pain and the times that people waste with you only to get want they want and then destroy your life without a care in the world.

For her moving on may not be enough. You may have to give her a little space yet still being in her life. You may have to work a little harder even though it is unfair to you, but if you love her, let her know not just by your words but by your actions, right now she needs to feel that secure feeling being with you. She maybe really wants to be with you but let her want to come naturally and on her own time. Trust her to make the right decision not just for you but for herself and always keep in mind that there is a possibility that it just might not work. However, keep your mind on the positive and let your heart go to work for you. Take you time and don't stress. God bless you.

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Young Love!

Submitted by mpramage on Sun, 04/07/2004 - 21:13.

She has said it a number of ways and painful as it is, she has changed her mind. She may change it back, but I wouldn't bank on it. There are plenty more very lovely girls out there who would love you to be dating them. Who knows, once she sees you are getting on fine without her, she may be interested again, but again, don't bank on it

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