I am a male who has been going out with a wonderful girl for 2 or so years. We have a great relationship in many many ways and communicate, provide each other support. I could not live without her and my world would collapse if she wasn't there. There is just one problem - and that is I don't provide her with enough sex. I am frustrated at the sense that this seems to be a very big taboo - the idea that it's ok to discuss the fact that a man wants more sex than a woman, but I have not seen any discussions anywhere about the pressures involved on a man when it is vice versa. I think she gets very frustrated because she wants to have sexual intimacy far more than I want to. When it comes to sex, I feel I have stopped enjoying it and in some respects really do it because I know it makes her happy.
She has a very high sex drive. We have tried talking about this a lot. I try to explain to her that often I just do not feel like sex - often I am worried about work, or I also get tired easily. But I feel that I am really letting her down. I think it must be very frustrating to really want someone as she does and then to feel that they are not providing you with the level of intimacy that you want. I know how upset I would be if I sensed that she did not want me, and was spurning my advances. I never have this problem because she will always be interested in sex if I am. Recently, she told me that it is important for her that we are intimate at least once a week. I have started using viagra - in a funny way, it allows me to have the security that I will not let her down. In some respects, part of the problem is that I often feel pressured. I am always under the impression that she wants, and I am the one playing hard to get.
I know from other past relationships I've been in that the thing that most turns you on is a sense of the challenge. In other respects, I am someone who has had a long history of other women - where if I am honest with myself, the big kick was always the challenge of the chase, the sense of the new flesh, the excitement of the first sexual encounter. Clearly I don't get that with my current girlfriend, and I feel that much of the edge has been taken away. I do love her very much and want this to work, and will do anything to make her happy. But I can not tell you how pressured it makes me feel to know that I must do something against my wishes to make her happy a lot of the time.
I think we have very different sex drives. She says she wants sex the whole time. And I suppose every time I sense that I am being clamped, chased, or pressured - I clam up and I lose interest.