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Advice Please

Submitted by mermaid on Fri, 17/11/2006 - 03:25. Internet Porn Addiction

Okay I am a girl who is known to obsess over things.When I first found out my boyfriend looked at porn IT KILLED ME INSIDE and I let it show (a little too much) my anger problems (from being abused as a child) came back out at him and it was not pretty.
I actually do not have a problem with the porn movies because I find them quite arousing in a sense but I cannot understand why he went into the babes section to view just naked girls when he says i am the most beautiful girl in the world.

I have never known him to perve much even as friends and when he is with me his eyes do not stray

He says he was not actually attracted to them but it was just a curiosity thing and he would never think of having sex with one of those girls

We were having problems at the time and I was not sleeping with him at all for months due to my own insecurities and pure laziness to be perfectly honest. But I don't see why he needed to look at plain naked girls I have has advice that it is a just a visual thing with no 'oooh she's HOT' going along with it and the naked body just substitutes what is missing sex wise. I may just be hurt over the fact they were labelled babes and he went in.

His excuse was I had just lost my house I felt neglected by you when I called you told me to go away and I needed that release to prove to myself I was still capable of being sexual and that what I had was worth keeping over those girls who are described as perfect by society.

There was another case on a profile site where a girl had click here to see me naked and he clicked (it was kind of like myspace) she wasn't really naked it was an add to friends section. He says that he didn't want to see her with no clothes he wanted to see if she was stupid enough to do it.

When my anger came out he was afraid that he had lost me and he joined a dating site as a substitute for what he had and because he was unhappy with 'himself'I can honestly believe this

But My question is just because guys view a naked girl does it always mean they are attracted to or want to have sex with her or does it mean it just triggers a general sexual thought?

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You need to change your frame of mind

Submitted by soundisblind on Thu, 23/11/2006 - 14:48.

You sound like a similar person to me. When i was 13 I was abused by a man i met on the internet and it screwed me up from then on. In my elder teens i had a serious problem with porn as most of it was called things like "woman raped" etc and i couldnt deal with it. At the end of the day, i would say 98% of all men who have access to the internet look at porn. And 60% of these men are more than likely involved in a happy and sex involved long term relationship. You need to understand that just because a man looks at porn, it doesn't mean he's disloyal to you and it doesn't mean that he's specifically looking at each and every woman and thinking "cor i wish i could have sex with her instead of my partner".

Men are more visually stimulated than women, and most men require visual stimulation to get and maintain an erection. If they are feeling randy it's only natural to go and search for something to look at. I used to be offended and think, well, he should have come to me if he wanted some attention, instead of doing it himself. But sex is a personal thing as much as it is something you share with someone else. You cant possibly know how to please someone else unless you know how to please yourself!

I think you need to get over your inhibitions about your partner watching porn and i definitely think you need to stop making him feel guilty about it! If you have issues, you need to deal with them, not punish him for it. Sorry if you think i'm being harsh but i'm only being honest. Just RELAX about it!

ps. If you were going through a stage where you couldn't have sex with your partner, is it really fair to criticise him for trying to deal with his frustration on his own? After all, he could have gone and physically had sex with somebody else, couldn't he.

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The way I see it

Submitted by Chrissy on Fri, 17/11/2006 - 22:30.

mermaid: Nearly all guys view all this stuff as a masturbation aid. It sounds like you were having a few problems at the time & he was probably frustrated, unless I am wrong you are young couple and not having sex for a few months probably got to him. Doesn't sound to me like he has an 'addiction' to this stuff like some men do, whether or not they have regular sex. Try & get your relationship & sex life back on track & I am sure it won't be a problem. As for the dating site, must admit does seem a little premature. Have you tried counselling with reagards to the things that have happened to you in the past?

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