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scared of being sexual

Submitted by scared on Wed, 15/11/2006 - 19:23. Sex Problems for Women

ok, new here, and very nervous. Am currently in therapy because i suffered sexual abuse as a child/teenager. Have only had one boyfriend, earlier this year for a few months. Before that i ran a mile from anyone showing an interest in me. The abuse ended when i got anoxeric. Now many years on i am a healthy weight, but hate everything to do with having a female body and what that means, being a sexual being. I'm finding it very difficult as i get sexual urges but feel guilty at masturbation. I get images of the abuse and its like i am abusing myself.

Recently i think i enjoyed masturbation without the abuse images. But i am struggling to accept this change and feel guilty. I am so scared of sex. I keep thinking maybe i need to see someone who can help me with this. I am not in a relationship with anyone. I am finding it really hard to talk to my therapist about this even though i have seen her for a long time. We are due to finish in a few months. A few months ago i thought maybe i just have to buy a vibrator and force myself to enjoy it. But i don't think that is the answer. I am not sure why i am scared. Obviously cos of the abuse, but even if i tell myself it is safe now i am still scared. I don't know why i can't talk to my therapist about this. Its like i need someone to almost say what is on my mind for me. I don't know if thats embarrassment, or cos i feel naive. I know i feel guilty, digusting, scared, but how do i change this. I did see these vibrator kits for people with sex phobias which were like real thin and worked up to more normal sizes and thought that may be an idea.

sorry not sure what the question i am trying to ask is. I guess i am wondering if anyone has had simlar problems and if anyone has any suggestions.

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Talking

Submitted by mpramage on Wed, 15/11/2006 - 22:24.

Firstly, consider what is making it hard for you to talk to your therapist about this. Is she doing anything to block you, or are you thinking things that make it hard?
There are plenty of therapists who work with sexual abuse and sexuality, is your therapist one of them? You know her and I presume you trust her. Can you ask her if this is somethingyou can talk to her about?
Incidentally, I think you have already come a long way to overcoming your difficulties, and are definitely on the right track. My hunch is that you know what you want to do to overcome things, and just need some encouragement and reassurance. Don't give up because this can all be sorted out in a good way.

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talking to therapist

Submitted by scared on Thu, 16/11/2006 - 12:50.

Hi,

thank you for your quick reply.

What is making it hard to talk to her? - i don't know. Maybe embarrassment, maybe i worry she will think i am disgusting, maybe just to say some of the words mean i will curl up and cry. I know i do find it difficult when she is looking at me and the chairs in the room sometimes feel a little too close.

My therapist works from a rape and sexual abuse centre so she definitely works with people who have been sexually abused and i assume with sexuality as well. She has mentioned stuff about sexuality before but i end up in tears turning my head further and further away from her.

thank you for saying you think i have come a long way already. I know i have, just sometimes it doesn't feel like it. Your not the first person to say that i know what i need to do to overcome things. But knowing doesn't make it any easier. Maybe if i could share these things with my T she could encourage and reassure me.

yesterday i called a friend asking if i can talk to her about sex and being a woman, and she reluctantly agreed saying she thought it was better i spoke with therapist as she isn't a counsellor and isn't as qualified as my therpaist. But i need someone to talk to who will be able to almost read my mind, prompting me or saying things that is on my mind, more then my therapist would, and maybe tell me what is in my mind is normal and ok. And also to give me a hug as i so need one at the moment. My therapists can't do that.

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