I feel so sorry for everyone. I first posted on this site in March 2003 because I was being rejected sexually by the man I'd fallen in-love with and who said loved me.

Well in 4 years we had sex **once** only. I even moved in with him because he'd said me not being with him all the time was the problem. Other excuses resulted in me changing my appearance, my underwear, the places I enjoyed going to, my friends, anything!!! I supported him when he gave up his job. I gave endless oral and hand relief, whilst getting nothing physical back.

We got engaged a year after I moved in, he said if we got married it would be okay and I was thrilled! It never got that far because I confided to a couple of close friends and family about the sex issue and they told me not to rush to marry him until the problem got resolved because if he loved me he would, whether it be viagra or therapy but he would do something. He had children from two previous relationships but hadn't hung around. He had ex girlfriends, there was nothing to suggest he was shy or inexperienced and it would go away because we were married.

By that time, I had to accept there was something very wrong. I'd already come into contact with a part of his life he kept secret, porn. Initially I knew he had some, I went into one of his drawers when we were first going out but you know how it is, single guy syndrome, they all do it so I didn't worry. It diasappeared when I first moved in, I thought no more about it. Then I found he was getting mags delivered. I didn't let on and then I stumbled on some hidden DVDs, clearly post my moving in because he'd only had a VCR, I bought the DVD player for us.

Then he wanted a PC to help him look for work, Internet porn ensued and he had no idea about the history facility! I could take no more and arguments started, he denied he had porn, I showed him where he hid it! He then said it wasn't his and threw it away. More arrived and nothing changed on the physical side. After yeats of so much pain and hurt aching for him, I had to leave for my own sanity.

I was deeply distressed during the relationship, I lost my self esteem, my confidence, felt ugly and a failure. In the end I didn't even like myself. I tried desparately to talk it through with him, I'd have done anything to help and anything for him to want me. He would never acknowledge with any conviction there was a problem with either the fact we had no sex life or a porn problem, he just either shut me down or muttered that he'd make more ffort and it would help if I didn't bring it up but it didn't change.

Sometimes, I think you have to give up. If the person involved won't talk to you about it, won't get help and your left in the dark, it doesn't matter how much they say they love you, you will loose trust in them if they don't change things. Worse still, if it's destroying how you feel about yourself and they are just watching it happen, that's not love.

Relationships get completely destroyed by a problem where one person is unhappy and the other does nothing about it. My boyfriend was the happiest soul you'd ever meet! He had no desire to have sex with me ever, he just led me to believe it would be okay one day to keep me hanging on. The fact was he wanted to channel his sexual requirements elsewhere and was perfectly comfortable with this.

When sex came up in conversations socially among friends or on TV he didn't flinch. Me, I became completely uncomfortable and it was that funnily enough that made me give up. I knew that someone who didn't feel any discomfort about sex and felt hardcore porn was preferable to making love to his future Wife, wasn't the husband for me!

Something has to be wrong with these guys.

I wish you were waiting for ME! I'm a LOT older than they are, but I can tell you my problem is the reverse! I'm "up" and eager VIRTUALLY VERY DAY, but am told "not now" or "don't you think about anything else?" (sometimes, but not often!) all the time. Maybe once in 2 weeks I "get lucky" and get to enjoy a missionary situation, but nothing else. And I'm willing and eager to try or do most anything to please her. I get tired of pleasing myself, believe me, but it's often the only way...

Keep trying, I guess. Good luck.

Yep, that is exactly the same for me too, I have to start, warm up, persue and if iam lucky, she might want to have somthing to do with me, I know I am attractive from what other woman have said, very pritty woman at that too (old freind ships), I love my Gal very much, Even though I have tried conversation about it, talking got nowhere, I have tried conversation so many times too, I have softly said I need her to want too, I need compassion towards me, I keep giving and giving and now I cant keep it up or get interested for much over a minute or so and it has taken a toll that I do not believe is reverable.
We had maybe 25-30 times this last year and out of those, I had to initiate 24-29 times, I had to push at times, I have ignored, I though by going on line to sex sites that she might feel more like having sex with me than just laying there and saying nothing, pretending she is asleep, acting as if I have a problem, I like having sex, I need sex in my life, one day I will be to old and will not be able to have sex and wont be able to afford the little blue pills then. I want the memories with her, her smiles, sounds, warm soft touches - all i get is mostly - she lays down on the bed and smiles at me - I smile back, she says somthing in a slight sexy way and thats it, if I don't take her cloths off or not on top, or if I ask for her to take my cloths off - its mostly over.
I have tried so many diffrent things, I am at my end with her.
for so long I thought it was me wanting to have sex so much so I backed off, we had sex about 3 times that month and I was the one making all the moves then too.
She says she loves me and wants to be my wife some day as I have asked her at one point but OMG, loosen up some, make me want to come home, make me do somthing other than dred knowing that I will be going to bed soon and have to deal with the same S**T again and again and again, take turns being the one in control, I have tried it all and the only thing that got her hot was when she was taking sleeping pills for about 4 weeks every 2nd to 4th day, I would start playing with her and she would wake up super horny and then sex was great but if she was awake and I try - cut off like a side of beef.
Maybe somthing in my dilema may be somthing for your needed help.
;O(