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My girlfriend doesnt want sex as much as I do...

Submitted by marsters25 on Sun, 08/10/2006 - 02:36. Sex Problems for Men

I'm a 20 year old male and my girlfriend is nearly 20 also.We have been together for 8 months now.
I have a healthy sex drive and I would like to have sex with her nearly every day if it was appropriate, but the problem is that she doesn't really want to. We currently have sex once or twice a week when we see each other (at the weekends).
I am also always the one to initiate sex. She says that she's 'nervous' about doing and saying things to initiate sex, and when she does want to have sex I miss the boat because she gives me absolutely no sign at all.
I know that she does want to have sex with me, but the fact that shes too worried to show passion for me makes me think that she doesnt have much passion for me and that upsets me. I feel like she's with me because im 'the guy women marry but dont want to shag'.
I've tried to talk to her and tell her that i want more sex, and that it would be nice if we could have sex more often, but she just says 'ok' and then nothing really changes. This whole problem is worse'nd quite a lot by this next problem:

She's not much of a talker!:
I have tried talking to her about it so much but everytime I try to talk to her she becomes like a rabbit in headlights, only her ears arn't all pointed up and and her eyes are down and shy. Kind of silent and non-commital. She gets like this when I try to talk to her about anything, including other important relationship things and this is another problem in itself. If I ask her to try and say things, or ask her how she feels or what she thinks about anything important, she just says 'I dont know'.
When we do have sex it is really good though, and I make sure that she comes and knows that I enjoy myself. I let her know that she's good at it (and she is!) and I try to increase her confidence. She is just incapable of showing me passion or that she wants me, which really makes me feel like she doesn't feel it, despite her claims that its there. Is it there if its not visible?

So there's two problems really, I was going to post them in two separate posts but I decided against it because they seem to interlock.

I love my girlfriend so much, but I don't want feel sexually unfulfilled anymore. I wish she would just leap on me and tell me she wants me but it's like she's just empty inside, and it's making me want to go elsewhere to get the sexual lust that I need from a person. Because I don't want only a sweet heart, I want a lover. That's a huge part of relationships to me and she knows this.

So to sum up there are two questions:
1: How can I get her to talk to me without her either a; not knowing what to say, or B; being to shy to talk about important/sexual things

and...

2: How can I get her to like/want sex more? do I have to become a super man-cake and dazzle her with rugged good looks and manly things? Do I have to hit the nail right on the head and become the pinnacle of female sexual desire?

And finally I ask this:
On this site there are lots and lots of questions about guys not getting enough sex from their partners (from young couples anyway)...
Should women be expected to keep their man sexually pleased? Should he expect to be 'well milked'? (I think thats quite an accurate, if not crude way of putting it, because it implies that she sometimes does it when she doesn't want to to keep him happy)

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ME TOO

Submitted by INSECURE MALE on Thu, 16/11/2006 - 13:38.

I read in disbelief this article. I am a male 39 who is extremely young in mind and body, my partner is 22. I read this article and literally word for word as i read i could relate too, in fact i should have written it myself.

My partner is also not much of a talker i am extremely considerate in all aspects of our relationship. Our sex life is great on both parts when we actually do it (about once a month). I also know this is not all about sex she is very much the same way almost vacant in the relationship, where as i initiate sex, cuddles, tell her she looks great she is my world etc.. She also says she loves and needs me but with out any conviction.

I thought at first it was the age gap but i now doubt that. I would very much like her to come out of her shell and as the article says would love her to leap on me and declare she loves me with out looking empty. So i have the same situation and would love more come back from anyone. Maybe counselling is the answer. But i crave to be loved and feel this could ruin something that is potentially great.

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I'm a much older woman

Submitted by amh956 on Wed, 11/10/2006 - 17:17.

Hi. I'm a much older woman, but I've encountered similar behavior in men. Also, I have girlfriends who behave like your girlfriend. I don't believe the issue is about sex, though that is where it always seems to end up. She is afraid to express what she wants, maybe because she's afraid of being told "no" or maybe because it gives her a kind of control over you. You are the one jumping around trying to make this thing work, aren't you? All she does is look uncommital and say "I don't know". So, ultimately, who is in charge here? She is.

If she's only 20 then you have perhaps seen her with her family. Does she have emotionally withholding or distant parents? Was she abandoned? Counselling helps if your partner is willing. I have seen couples counselling help A LOT under these circumstances. Be sure you get someone qualified. Like I said, this isn't about sex I'll bet.

Secondly, everyone has different levels of sexual desire. My current male friend who is twice your age, has a much reduced libido. It makes me feel frustrated, but I don't want to force him to do something he doesn't like. He does sometimes initiate cuddling and intimate contact just to make me feel good, though. Because he cares about me. Its not a matter of obligation, or "shoulds". If you care for your partner, you care that they are getting their needs met. I don't like the sound of a relationship where either partner is doing something out of a sense of duty.

I hope this makes sense and doesn't sound too mean.

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