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Someone take a filthy dirty pin & burst my rose coloured bubble!

Submitted by Chrissy on Wed, 13/09/2006 - 14:17. Internet Porn Addiction

I have been a single Mum for sometime and in my late 40's & didn't expect to meet anyone, however I did 14 months ago, we now live together in my house. I was so happy when we got engaged this year. I love him sooo much and he has so many good qualities.
To be fair he did admit to a little bit of 'well hidden' porn on his laptop before he moved in with me which to be honest I didn't pay too much attention to. It has taken me a year to discover the truth, which is he had over 100 WMV files downloaded, not to mention all the still pics all in folders like private & couples, so much for well hidden!!. I only looked after waking up at 12.30 one night to find he wasn't in bed when he was getting up at 5.45am. I caught him watching heterosexual anal porn with his flies down, IN THE FAMILY DINING ROOM!! My world fell apart there & then. He lied & told me he only linked to a few websites & didn't download porn. I was so upset & shocked when I checked a few days later and discovered the truth. I deleted the lot. I later discovered my school boy son caught a glimpse of him watching porn earlier the same night (though thankfully he had his flies done up then) God this is so sordid.

We have had several rows. I was going to throw him out, a week later he packed to leave etc etc. Problem is we love each other. But I still caught him downloading new ones less than a week later, with a PC chair against MY door! He did admit during one row that he is addicted, but he also told me it was his ONLY PLEASURE IN LIFE! He tells me now he has stopped it now but that is lies. He was a batchelor for a long time & his previous girlfriends did not live close to him so he could not see a lot of them, but he is not a batchelor now.

This is not behaviour for a family home. I thought we had a good & frequent sex life. His viewing times were before I got up and after I went to bed. I now cannot lie in on a weekend as he is an early riser or go to bed before him if I am tired, as I fret on & can't sleep. I hate him having lone internet access & feel nausea & get butterflies in my stomach at the thought. I feel so excluded, I obsessively trawl through his laptop when he is not here. I cry a lot, I get angry, I get urges to smash his laptop or cut off our broadband (even though I love the net)I still think about his unsavoury habits several times every day even though it is 7 weeks since that fateful night.

I am so surprised at the intensity of my feelings I didn't think I was a prude I sometimes feel there is no way our relationship can survive and don't know what to do. He assures me he really, really loves me & I believe him so why won't he stop when he knows how distressed I get?

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Internet porn addiction

Submitted by mpramage on Wed, 13/09/2006 - 21:15.

Yes this is awful. You are not alone, and this is increasingly something people mail in to tbis site about. Your feelings are real and appropriate, you are not going mad! He has an addiction and can be helped to stop, but only if he agrees. This problem undermines family life and relationships in a big way.

You both need help!! Go to http://www.sexual-addiction.co.uk for more information.

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hi my fella is the same, b4

Submitted by sweetiepie306 on Thu, 01/03/2007 - 15:19.

hi my fella is the same, b4 i get up, when i go to bed, even when im in the bath! I started hurrying at things i did out of the room thinking if im around he wont have time to look at porn. He always denied in our 4 year relationship that he looked at porn until i fould it in the history this year! i went bonkers.

I did break my monitor.launched it in a rage. Stupid i know but i felt so angry, upset and unattractive. Felt annoyed he wasnt open with me when i asked him on several occasions. We hadnt had sex for a while and i was really making an effort to try and kick start the sex by getting lap dancing tips off the net and dressing up and stuff so when i discoverd the porn that night i was mortified.

I wasnt good enuf for sex but he could look at other women with perfect bodies . I still cant accept it and he still does it just i know he does it sneakily. really gets to me and suffering from depression with low self esteem and he still sneaks around. How bad do you have to feel b4 they give it a rest? just thinking if i cant accept it we will have to split because he wont stop and its dragging me down every day.

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Maybe there is hope

Submitted by Chrissy on Thu, 01/03/2007 - 21:08.

No two people are alike but there might be light at the end of the tunnel. About a month after posting this (about three months after first discovering what was going on) he stopped. Perhaps not 100% but 99% of the time. He now comes to bed at the same time as me and has stopped getting up early on a weekend and peace has restored in the house. He did have a couple of days off work in Feb to decorate & on day two I had a 'sixth sense' & looked at his temporary internet files while he went to the shop and yes he had spent about one hour looking at porn. You know what? I didn't even care that much as he had respected my wishes in most areas of this. I know it was the first time in ages and he was alone in the house at the time.
I left the temporary internet files on show so he could see I had been looking though.
Before he practically stopped I was on the point of putting the modem in the bin (if it hadn't been for my son the internet would have gone months before) We most likely would have split up.
I showed him my post above a few weeks after I did it.
Here's hoping, fingers crossed for you. You can always get rid of the internet.

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