Some years ago I left a violent relationship and divorced my husband - this was granted via the courts on the grounds of proven violence. I retained custody of my son, and my daughter (who was verging on the uncontrollable) went to live with her father. I left my husband for my current partner as I had reached an age where I knew that I just couldnt cope with another 20 years of him coming home from the pub and falling down drunk, running up gambling debts and generally refusing to discipline the children or set any kind of example. He never played with the children nor got involved in any way in their education. It got to such a stage that I dreaded family holidays as I would go up with the children and he would return to his room drunk - resulting in violence and generally doing stuff which he later said he could not remember.

My mother and father were not supportive of my actions, neither was my sister - though all 3 were well aware of what was happening. I tried in vain in particular to convince my mother of what I had gone through but she refused to take any of it on board and insisted in continuing communication with my ex husband (who naturally denied everything).

After I left my husband we were subjected to 3 years of harrassment - in all its forms - resulting in him being cautioned under the Harrassment Act. During all this my mother was shown and told about what was happening but again was not supportive. When my ex husband began using our son as another means of harrassment by telephoning him and demanding to speak to me in our new home and encouraging my son to become hostile and aggressive I suffered a nervous breakdown. He then went to stay with my ex husband as I just could not cope with what was happening and my new partner refused to have him back in our home. My sister and mother offered no help when my son refused to have anything to do with me and never once offered to mediate to attempt to re-establish contact. Letters I sent to my son at my ex's address were followed by abusive phone calls where he threatened us repeatedly. We dreaded returning home from work as we felt the harrassment had then intruded into our own home. As a result I sent an email to my sister, who I assume passed it onto my parents, basically saying that as my mother refused to take on board anything I said and indeed had even sent birthday presents to my ex during all this, I could not continue to have contact with them. There was no response from them to this but all communication ceased. None of them bothered to contact me to discuss the problem.

A year later my father died abroad. I subsequently found out that he had been ill in hospital for several weeks before the holiday - no-one bothered to inform me. He then went on holiday having paid for my sister, husband and two grandchildren to accompany them. I received a phone call from my brother in law to say my father had died abroad after 2 weeks further illness in hospital - again I knew nothing.

In the meantime I contacted my fathers side of the family and they welcomed myself and my new partner with open arms and have been a great source of support through some very difficult times. They do not get on with my mother and dont wish to have anything to do with her as she behaved quite badly during my fathers illness, subsequent death and funeral. She had even invited my ex husband to attend my fathers funeral knowing full well that he had attacked me on several occasions. Even the vicar had commented to my aunt that he thought her behaviour was very self-centred. Their marriage had not been happy and there were constant rows - mainly induced by my mother. Looking back I had been desperate to escape the atmosphere and had married someone who was not suitable.

There are two protaganists in all this; my ex husband and my mother. My mother has always favoured my younger sister - but I feel no resentment about this as I have never had much affection from my immediate family. Due to these events I have no contact with my son nor daughter despite numerous attempts to contact them.

With my daughter, who is abusive and violent, any attempts are usually met either with abuse or damage to my property. Hence I have decided not to continue with this. The only response from my son has been to write to me demanding money (his savings) which I have refused to give to him until he is 18 as my ex husband took my daughters savings under similar circumstances and used them to buy a car.

I am at a loss to understand why people can act this way; particularly to members of their own family and although I feel guilt at not re-establishing contact with my mother or sister I feel their behaviour has been cold and callous and totally inexcusable. My only "crime" has been escaping an abusive relationship.