I've been dating a wonderful guy for about a year now. We're as close as can be, have an absolute blast together. Essentially, everything is perfect in our relationship except the physical part, and that is because it's practically nonexistent.
We were both brought up in the church, and even though the first 5 months of our relationship involved sex, these last seven have been completely dry. We at first agreed no sex because of our religious upbringing, but I assumed that meant we would still do other things. We have only even "made-out" two or three times since January.
He has been under a tremendous amount of stress in the last few months with work, and I haven't pushed a lot, but I would assume at some point a man would want to do something with his girlfriend. When we're in bed sometimes, he won't cuddle me-he uses a pillow to snuggle instead, and if he's facing me, it's like a blocker. Once, I was close enough to his face to kiss, and right as we were about to, he turned his head away and turned completely over.
About a month ago, I saw a text message on his phone he had just recieved from some guy I had never heard of (I know all of his friends) asking if he "Still missed him?" Then, we were looking online on his computer one night, and I found two instances on his browser drop-down that were for a gay boyfriend site. I asked about that, and he said it was some pop-up he had clicked on (OK-but don't you have to type those in, and why twice?). There have been other little things here and there as well. Because that really bothered me, I've become more suspicious. Last night was the bomb. I was looking on a personals site online just for the hell of it (suspicion), and I looked up the men seeking men where he lived. Well, I found him. He was under another name, had lied about his age, and was using pictures that we were in together, only I was cut out!
Of course, I'm extremely hurt, confused, angry, etc., but I truly love this man! We've been making plans together (marriage, moving, kids, etc.) for quite a while now, and even though I know those will not happen at this point, I honestly can say that if and when he decides to be honest with me, I'm choosing to still be there as his friend. He's definitely going to need it after people find out. I always knew something was a little off, and that he wasn't completely honest with me about everything-he can be extremely secretive, esp. with his cell phone. Finding this out for some reaosn gives me peace, like things are finally explained.
My issue here is, how and when do I confront him? Or should I wait for him to come to me? It's not fair to me or him to keep dragging this charade out any further. At this point, our families have been to talk weddings, so I know it's gone beyond the point of something that will be easily cleaned up.
What should I do?