I am 17 years old, I have never had a boyfriend, I have never even been kissed. Every time I get a crush on someone I push them away. It starts with the whole "I have a crush on this guy" feeling and then maybe two days later, or when someone finds out, it turns into fear. Just thinking about him I get sick, my stomach feels as if it is in a big knot, and I just want to get away, out of my head. When I am in school I avoid him at all cost and if I see him I try my best to change my direction with out him seeing me. Then I find something wrong with him, whether it be is hair, clothes, the way he walks, something to make me validate the reason why I "don't" like him anymore. I have no clue why I do this. But is happens every single time I fall for a guy. All I want to do is go on a date but I can't. Talking to guys I don't like is just as hard. I never know what to say. I always feel like they are judging me and I dont' want to make myself look stupid. So I usually jut stay quite. I really want to change, but I don't know how. Eveytime I try I get all tense and freak out. If you have any suggestions or comments that would be great. It is a really big step for me just typing this and this year is going to be my senior year of high school and I want it to count. I don't want to be the freshman in college that is afraid of boys.