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older woman

Submitted by Anonymous on Thu, 03/06/2004 - 02:39. Relationship Problems

I'm in a committed relationship with a girl whom I like alot, but who is 6 years older. I'm 21. We're both college grads, working in the real world, etc. My problem is this: I have these nagging thoughts that the relationship is doomed because of the age difference. I mean, I still feel like a teenager in some ways: I still like to hang out with the guys, play at the lake, act like a goof-ball; but she is a woman, a woman who is probably going to want to settle down real soon and start a family.
She really loves me alot, and I feel strongly about her too, but the relationship is hurting because I have kept my foot in the exit door. She makes it clear all the time that she doesn't want to pressure me, yet the pressure is there nonetheless because of the ticking away of the biological clock. I
also have these ridiculous fears that I won't be attracted to her anymore once she starts getting older. I know this is nonsense, but I can't get it out of my head, and I keep telling myself, "end it now before you really hurt her." Any advice would help.

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Age Gap

Submitted by mpramage on Thu, 03/06/2004 - 06:34.

This is a really tough situation, but if you read all you have written carefully you can see the doubts leaping out at you. At your age a 6 year gap is a big one. You are right, a big part of you is still a kid, and needs to be that way for awhile. You are keeping one foot in the exit, which is right at your age, as it is too soon to settle down for life.
You have to decide how to deal with this. I think openness and the willingness to talk about doubts is very important, and your partner loves you and seems to understand the feelings you have. If you are under pressure, where is that coming from, and what is it pressing you to do? If it doesn't feel right, then it probably isn't right!

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age gap

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Mon, 19/07/2004 - 07:10.

i am in a great relationship with a man who is 30, i'm 41. he could care less about the age difference. he sees me as the woman he loves. out of the two of us, i'm sure i'm the one who thinks about the difference more. but he's got me feeling so confident about his love for me and how age means nothing to him, that i just feel great!!! and mostly forget the difference even exists. and i'm not a real self-assured type either.
i'm making this comment in regards to the 21 year old with a gf who is 6 years older, to show the contrast. i agree with the first comment. i would think many 21 year olds aren't ready to be settled. he's keeping his foot in the door for a reason. which is ok. i'm finding that age difference doesn't have to be an issue...and the fact that me and my guy are at an older stage in life is probably a huge factor. i would say, wait until you find someone that you love so much that you don't question it like crazy. if my guy had any of the questions that this guy has, i would not want to be in that relationship. i mean, shoot, how awful it would be to have him feeling worried about me getting unattractive as i get older!!! yipes!

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I agree

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Wed, 09/06/2004 - 19:30.

If it doesn't feel right it probably isn't right. I was 24 dating a 29 year old. Dated for 3 years in fact before I finally called it quits after 2 smaller break ups. She wanted kids and I wasn't ready. She didn't want to pressure me, but face it, it is there. This woman really loved me and I her, but she needed things I wasn't ready to provide. We weren't on the same level socially either. Me still wanting to get out with the boys, and her a homebody. It was hard to let go but has been best that we have gone our seperate ways.

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