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Best solutions for libido differences?

Submitted by Anonymous on Fri, 14/05/2004 - 07:23. Relationship Problems

I have been with my partner for six months, and we have started to develop problems with mismatched libidos... We were initially having sex at least once a day, but now we sometimes go a couple or three days without sex. I realise that this is still quite frequent, but I feel rejected and unattractive when she says she does not want sex. We have talked about it several times and e - still, she ends up feeling pressured and I feel hurt.

I guess communication is the most important thing in a situation like this, but I'd really appreciate any specific ideas or other approaches. I've read that having sex more often can have a snowball effect, but I don't like the idea of her having sex when she doesn't want it. As it is I can often feel guilty when we DO have sex as I think she must have done it for my sake.

We're very happy in other ways, and I don't like the cloud that this puts on our relationship. I'm NOT saying she needs to change, and would welcome suggestions for dealing with my

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Libido differences

Submitted by mkarliner on Sat, 15/05/2004 - 08:07.

This is really quite common among couples once the initial phase of a relationship has moved to something more permanent. You are absolutely right that communication is the key, and that the very last thing you want to do is make her feel pressurised. It's probably worth examining your own feelings of rejection when she doesn't want sex, and even possibly consult a therapist about them. Men often think that they can only get validation of love and affection through sex, but its not the only way.

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I'm having a lot of issues

Submitted by confused on Fri, 04/11/2005 - 19:30.

I'm having a lot of issues with this as well. My wife and I have been married for 6 years. Before even getting married I told her that I had a very high libido. She didn't have a problem with it then, but there was always a reason not to have sex. I thought I was being selfish so I would let it pass. Our sex life has never gotten better. I have gone through many frustrating moments. I've always believed that the women comes first(literally). I give her undivided attention during sex with the prime goal of making her feel as wonderful as possible. I constinently tell here how I'm attracted to her and how beautiful she is. If and when she ever does return the favor its always very brief, and I feel guilty as if she's doing something that she doesn't want to do. Lately(past 3 years) I've completely given up on making any advances. I wait until she shows signs of wanting to make love. It takes place about 1-2 times a month.
I have found myself spending a lot of time masturbating and have resorted to occasionally using online porn to curb my desires for sex. This started as a way for me not to bother my wife. Now it has blown up in my face. She has found on many occasions porn in our computers history. She goes crazy saying that I want someone else and not her. She has threatened divorce. I'm going nuts with this. What can I do to decrease my libido.

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Understand fully your frustration

Submitted by Loveablelad on Fri, 03/02/2006 - 16:41.

I understand fully your frustration if this helps. I am in exactly the same situation and love my wife very much. She has changed and I have not. Online play helps but also feels ultimately poor seedy and not what you wanted in the first place. Once or twice a month is not enough. I end up her cuddle into me in bed and play with myself in bed and sort of think well this is a kind of turnon the best I will get maybe even having fantasy's, but again, if only she would do something to help. She does know how difficult I find it (as occassionally I have told her jus how deep i feel sorry she does not try more with me) but I wont and cant put pressure on her. Even considered an affair but that only leads somewhere else. I dont know the answer but heck I understand your troubles. Find and answer and let me know!

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How do I avoid making her feel pressured?

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Sun, 16/05/2004 - 06:52.

Thanks for the input - good points. I would really appreciate any pointers on how I can avoid making her feel pressured while not avoiding sex altogether. At the moment I would love to be having sex 2 or 3 times on most days, but if I even check with her that often she feels pressured. Do I just stop asking her, or is there a better option?

Thanks in advance

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