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My boyfriend sends mixed signals

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Submitted by Anonymous on Fri, 14/05/2004 - 05:45. Relationship Problems

My boyfriend of 5 years, with whom i live, recently told me that he wanted to move out and get his own apartment. He said that he needs space and privacy. This is after he gave me an engagement ring. We have not always had the best relationship when it comes to being actual boyfriend and girlfriend. He has had so much rejection and hurt in his life that I feel as though he has never truly opened up to me. But after 5 years I feel as though he should trust me. He tells me that he loves me but is not in love with me, and that he does not want to hold me back from being happy. It seems as though he wants to end the relationship totally, but then all the other signs point in the opposite direction. I am afraid that if he leaves, I will lose him forever. He is my first love and this is so hard on me. Part of me feels that he knows that I am the right girl for him, but that he is afraid to accept the fact that someone could actually love him because he doesn't want to be hurt.
Should I let him go and see what happens?
Should I keep trying in this relationship even though it has been five years and I feel like we are not moving forward?
Is it ok for me to love him more than he loves me? How do I keep him?

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I understand

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Thu, 26/05/2005 - 04:59.

I am going through a very similar experience. What have you done about this since? I am dating an older man, 42 and I love him very much but I don't think like you that he is in love with me. We have been going out for almost a year and still no "I love you" I don't want to wait until 5 years pass and still be in this situation, what kind of advice have your recieved. I also feel caught between what signals I get from him. I think because I have a hard time talking about it with him, I think its a sign that the relationship is not as good as it seems. Otherwise, I love being with him and we always have fun together and he shows affection but no "I love you" yet or next level relationship indication.

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TALK

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Thu, 16/06/2005 - 00:21.

Dear 42, You are both marking time in a sea of expectations. If you don't talk about what each of you expects from a relationship, you will continue to drift. Only by talking about our fears and hopes can we begin to knit our lives together.

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Should I stay or go?

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Mon, 21/06/2004 - 08:54.

I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and things have been up and down with his previous realtionship problems but most of the times things are great. He says he loves me and wants to be with me but doesn't like to go out in our local town together. Whenever we do... he accuses me of staring at other guys and then says it is not working... he loves me but tells me I need to decide what I really want. I love him so much and want to be with him more than anything and he says that he loves me but I feel that he is testing me and will just turn around and tell me to leave when he feels that I am doing these things that I am not. I don't go out and am always there for him and just want things to be how they normally are. What should I do? Should I just leave and move on or stay and see if things are really going to work. One minute he tells me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and the next minute nothing? help please!

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Yes, you should let him go an

Submitted by mkarliner on Sat, 15/05/2004 - 08:13.

Yes, you should let him go and live on his own, trying to keep him with you will only have the opposite effect. It is really only by allowing him to have his much needed privacy that he will be able to measure that against not having you and be able to weigh the two against each other. Of course, this is very difficult for you, especially in a first relationship, but it is possible that things may appear different for you with a period of separation.
It is OK for couples to have different levels of feeling for each other, but they have to be in agreement about these things, and you two are not balanced like that at the moment.

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