About 6 months into our marraige, my new wife told me that while we were engaged she had slept with another man. She told me that it happened after we'd had an argument, and she was drunk, and she'd hated herself ever since.
I was truly devastated. Having had only her, I wondered if we could survive this. But I love her, and after a lot of thought I decided that she was genuinely sorry and the right thing to do was to forgive her and work at our relationship and hopefully in time we'd get over it. Though it did permanently change the way I looked at her.
But after it had all blown over, I started to think about the details she had given me about it, and how it didn't really add up. She wouldn't tell me the name of the man in case I did someting stupid (which, as any husband will understand, did cross my mind) (he had a wife/kids). She told me she never spoke to him again after that night and he moved away soon after. I cant stop thinking that these were lies, and worst of all that she would protect him over being honest to me. And, if she lied about that, what else is there that I havent been told?
I find I don't trust her anymore, though I have never been a jealous type. I used to a cheery, outgoing person, but now I find myself being cynical about most things, especially relationships and women. I don't like this about myself, I want to be a trusting husband, but not a day goes by when I don't think about what she did. I wonder sometimes if the reason she didn't tell me sooner is because I would have called off the wedding, and so she almost cheated me into marrying her.
I can't talk to her about it, because she IS sorry, and I can't ask her to be any more sorry. If I started to drag up the past, I don't see what it would accomplish other than to make us both feel worse about it. I have started to have grey moods that last for days, and taking too many headache tablets, and she is wondering what is wrong with me. Sometimes I think I should have left her when I found out about it, but mostly I just feel so sad.
I always used to treasure the fact that we'd only ever had each other, and now I feel like something I loved dearly has been taken from me by the one person who I loved and trusted.
Am I unreasonable to feel this way? I want to move on and try and forget it, but it sticks in my throat that she lied to me to protect him. I can't forget that no matter how hard I try.
We have been married 2 1/2 years now, and aside this we haven't had any major problems at all. I do know that she loves me, and I love her. I want our marraige to work, but I can't seem to get the image of them together out of my head.
If you can give me some advice I'd be very grateful