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My husband can't ejaculate of he has sex with me

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Submitted by Anonymous on Tue, 04/05/2004 - 17:41. Sex Problems for Men

My husband and I have known each other for 3 years, and have been married for 1 year. We have only had sex less than 20 times each year. Even if we do have sex, he can't have an orgasm unless he fantasises about me having rough sex with one or more men.
The fantasies are not working anymore. He has become less and less interested in having sex with me. I feel rejected by him. He offered to make the fantasies come true by us having sex with other people. He doesn't want to watch, he just wants to hear about it from me. That really turns him on.
We dated other people last summer. It made me feel even more rejected. We are separated now. I am seeing another man who is a very good lover. But, my husband and I really miss each other and we want to work-out our issues.
He has also been raised by parents who had lots of fights in front of him when he was growing up. Both of us are in graduate school and under a lot of stress. He used to enjoy his past girlfriends because they did not have a serious relationship. He also enjoyed strippers and prostitutes for a couple of years when he was studying really hard before he met me.
Please advise.

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Retarded Ejaculation

Submitted by mpramage on Tue, 04/05/2004 - 20:41.

Your husband has a sexual problem called retarded ejaculation. He is only able to ejaculate if he pretends he is not there! There is often a complicated reason to do with parents and relationships generally, and you say his parents fought a lot which could account for it.
Of course you miss each other after 3 years. At the same time you have met someone who can have sex with you without the fantasies and the proposals for threesomes and so on. Only you can decide which you most want to be with.
If you and your husband decide to try to make a go of it, you will need professional help from a therapist trained and experienced in this particular problem.

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Please don't think of this gu

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Wed, 19/05/2004 - 14:24.

Please don't think of this guy as being perverted. I find the same problem. The problem is your former husband can't see sex as something happy people do. He associates sex with his parents. It was them he first heard having sex or was aware of having sex, and when he has sex he thinks of them and their problems. He enjoys sex but can only see it as something dirty. My father slept around a lot with whores and my first exposure to sex was this. I have had problems too. Instead of indulging these fantasies try and keep sex as simple as possible, no stress, no stress on ejaculation or performance. He needs to re-associate sex with being something good and simple.

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same problem

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Wed, 02/03/2005 - 15:37.

My boyfriend has the same problem. I liked your advice but I don't know how to help him feel less pressure in bed. I also don't know how not to indulge his fantasies sometimes without making him feel like I never want to indulge those fantasies again. When we talk about it at all, he is always very hurt. He sees it as an afront to his male identity. I need to know - have you gotten past this problem?

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me too!

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Mon, 13/06/2005 - 07:01.

Our minds turned each other on and we were crazy attracted physically to each other also...I have heard comments here and there that he "can't get it up" and I found a sample of viagra his dr. gave him in his end table by his baed. (ok, yes, I was snooping a little, not maliciously, but...well why bother trying to rationize it, snooping is snooping...i just wanted to know more about what makes him tick, not invade his privacy, scouts honor...)....I know his stepdad beat him and his mother, so of course right from the gate the poor guy wasn't given a chance...but he is soooo sensual and sensitive...and ironically, he turns me on even if his "stuff" is not "ready, willing, and able"...I am turned on by every aspect of him, his ear lobes, his arm pits, his butt, his tummy, his elbows, his cheekboned, and he knows how to touch me and make me feel like i am the last woman on earth...yes we are both under lots of stress, and we are both shy and much as I hate to admit it, we are both drinking too much alcohol....it lowers our inhibitions, but as you know, ends up putting a barrier on everything cuz we do not feel at our best...I know, it sounds like I am aware of some of the major problems that he and I have in continuing an amazing sex life like we had when we met just 1 year ago..but if anyone out there can help with any kind of guidance, kick in the a - - , please please do so. I MISS HIM, and I know he misses me also, we are both in our OWN ways and seem to be in EACH OTHER'S way also! thx, "me"

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