I'm not sure what I'm doing here. I feel pathetic for even posting this... But it doesn't seem like I have any other choice. I'm at a point in my life where this fear I have is making me lose my mind. Especially now that there is a certain female who is very interested in me, and I am interested in her, but I can't bring myself to say anything to her about it, because I know where it will lead to. Kissing on the first few dates, then we'll get even closer, and sex will eventually be a possibility, and I just cant handle it. I just cringe at the thought of it.

Of course I want her to be my girlfriend, I want to take her out and show her a good time and kiss her goodnight, and after a while, maybe even have sex, but this fear in my head is unstoppable. I don't know what to do. I'm 20 years old, I've never gone all the way, I've never even had a real girlfriend. I guess strong religious beliefs played a big part in this during my teens. I had a lot of observant Jewish friends, and I went to a Jewish school, I even lived in Israel for a whole year, and I guess it all influenced me in a huge way. Now I'm not saying I regret making those decisions for myself (my family have no religious connections), because I know these beliefs have shaped me to be a good, moral person. But at the same time, I can't help but face the fact that all my non-Jewish friends are getting laid left and right as of now, and beyond that, all of them are at least capable of talking with a girl, asking her out on a date, and are able to have sex without any second thought or fear of it.

I have been with my fiance for 6 years. During the first two years everything was normal until I went for a smear test, had a horrifically painful experience and developed vaginismus. The years rolled on with me making half hearted attempts to treat the condition with varying success. Now four years down the line my fiance has finally lost patience and wanted to try again so we did. I as shocked to find that after the first couple of mins of pain (he just stays still while I concentrate to relax the muscles) I could actually have sex and the muscles were not forcing him out. We have now managed to have sex a further 4 times. I have two questions:
1. It requires so much concentration to keep the muscles relaxed. How can I further train them just to relax so I can start enjoying myself again.
2. Afterwards I have a feeling of being 'bruised' and sore inside which can last for several days. I this just because the muscles are still too tight?